Monday, May 28, 2007

"Ouuuch!!! My dick got caught in the zipper!"

WTF - Vote!

I was on the line with my Chinese partner when one of my Marketing Executives, Josephine, rushed in. She looked hot and flustered. She waited for me to finish my call before telling me in an urgent tone.

"Boss! Boss! Gerard needs ER! He's in the Men's Room!"

"Huh? What ER? What happened? He fell?"

"Quick! You go and see lah!"

I rushed towards the Men's Room where several of
the female staff, who have not gone for lunch yet, were gathered outside. They were giggling and shouting out to the men inside the washroom. I barged into the Men's Room, leaving the gals gasping loudly at my action.

I saw Man and Arshad standing outside a cubicle. I went forward and saw Joe kneeling down in front of Gerard who had his pants half-way down. Gerard got a shock when he saw me and yelled,"Close the door!!!"

"What the Hell is happening? What are you doing, Joe? " I raised my voice. I was disgusted by the scene right in front of me and put out my right hand to stop the door from closing.

"Gerard's got his dick caught in the zipper! hahahaha...." Arshad offered an explanation.

"What? Let me take a look!" I tried to push the door open.

"No! No! No! Joe's helping me."

"I cannot do anything lah! You have to go to the hospital." Joe stood up and declared defeat.

"What? How can I go out like this? It's lunch time, the whole Suntec City is packed! Owww .... sh*t! Can you all get Boss out? Call her for what! "

"Let me see!" I dragged Joe out of the cubicle and charged in.

Despite Gerard's protest, I knelt down, brushed his hands away and tried to survey the extent of the damage. I could hear the other guys sniggering away. The poor fellow has got a teeny piece of foreskin caught in his zipper. The zipper could neither go up nor down then. Ouch! I could almost feel his pain. hmmmm.... it's a tricky task as to how I'm going to get his dick freed.
"Get me a pair of scissors! And my glasses. I can't see so near."

"Weiii! Don't anyhow cut arh! I still want to celebrate Father's Day! Wait! Wait!Wait!"

"You want to walk through the lunch time crowd in this condition or not? This type of small case no need to go to the hospital lah! Who ask you not to wear underwear huh? Want to be hip and never think of the consequences."

I couldn't help chiding these youngsters. Either they don't wear underwear, or they would wear a teeny weeny piece of cloth over their private parts, ...... young men and women nowadays, tsk tsk tsk.......

Whenever I tried to gently pry the zipper from the skin, Gerard would be howling in pain. I was sweating in the hot cubicle. There was a commotion outside now as more people came to know of it. We had to lock the door of the toilet.

I examined the dick ahem ......, area carefully, trying to find a solution. Half an hour had passed and we were clueless. Seems like the only thing to do was to go to the hospital. But this is such a minor accident. Gerard is would be a laughing stock.

I called Chris, twittered and pinged. Hoping someone can come up with a solution. Finally after an hour of trying and serious brainstorming, we have to make this announcement to Gerard.

"Joe and Man are going to hold you down. Remember how our Moms used to tear the plaster from your healed wounds? I'm gonna do a very fast zip down. It'll be over in seconds. Bear the pain for a while. Be a man, ok?"


"Don't anyhow move or I'll tear a whole strip of skin from your pecker! Arshad, get me the rubber bone from my table, let him bite on it. er.... Gerard, you pee already or not yet? Don't pee on me hor."

By then, another few guys returned to the office because of an 'emergency sms'. The kaypohs (busybodies)! Henry (remember my Creative Director) was doubling up in laughter. He offered to be the Executor. Everyone was poking fun at poor Gerard.

The moment finally arrived. I had to be the ruthless Executor (Gerard trusts me more). We made Gerard lie down on his back across two chairs, 4 guys held down his hands and legs. Henry covered Gerard's face with a jacket.

Secretly and silently, trying very hard to contain our laughter, we posed for a few pictures first, hahahaha.... We were so wicked hor! Then we told Gerard to take a deep breath and then zippp! It was over!

Sounds so easy. Gerard almost jumped out of his skin and the guys have to really hold him down. A tiny piece of skin and a little speck of blood was sacrificed. Gerard took it like a man! There was a drop of tear at the edge of his right eye though. awwww...... hehehe....

After washing my hands, I told Gerard,"From now on, your dick is mine! I saved it." muahahahaha.....

A warning to all my staff, if any of my photos go public, your dicks and pussies would be mine. No hehehe.

And to those 'pig frenz and dog buddies' who thought I was having an affair - go fug yourself! Geez.........

Winner of 4 blog awards
Winner at Blog Carnivals on 4th August 2007


  1. Cannot take it already. This is too funny. Stomach ache.

  2. dk,
    Hinting that you need my help with your stomach ache, izit? Real or pretending? hahaha.....

  3. Hahaha... OMG, poor dick.. I mean, Gerard!

    No underwear?? HMMMMM... is that the in thing now??

  4. LOLOL!! so that's the story behind all that Twittering!! I'm sure Gerard will remember to wear an undie next time, eh?

  5. Hi angel!
    Yes! It's the IN thing not to wear underwear! I'm gonna throw all my undies away tongiht. Free from clatter! muahahahaha.....

  6. May,
    hahahaha..... ya lah! After today's lesson, he has to put on his undie, hehehe......

    I get no help from Twitter leh! My frenz got a good laff though! :)

  7. And better ventilation... bwahahaha!
    *so wicked*

  8. cooling is it?
    HAHAH canot dont wear la got period how? HAHA
    this is too funny...!!

  9. laff kaw peng!!! sori we sounded so mean at twitter! hahahahahaa mrs bobbit!! :P
    thank goodness you knew what to do! kudos! respect! lafffff again!!

  10. aiyooo winn,
    I forget that 'sistar' who comes every month! hehe....

    ok - normal days dun wear undies.

    sistar comes, then wear! :)

  11. mistipurple,
    hahaha ..... Me? I? Mrs Bobbit?

    aiyooo.... dinno my twitter for help provided so much fun and laughter!

  12. yes marina!
    Poor man!

    He had to stay in the loo for hours during and after the ordeal. After because his buddy went shopping for underwear for him and really took his time!

    Now Gerard has no face to face the world! lol....

    He's fine lah. He's a strong man!:)

  13. "saving ryan's private"

    "free willy"

    "flag(pole)s of our father"

    Why no one film it down and put on youtube?!? It's a good educational clip k!

  14. I noticed there's only 1 comment from a guy, seems you girls are enjoying the topic eh, well you all always do ~ LOL! (especially Angel!)

    Ouch. Happened to me once. Wait. Twice. Just hold the area near the foreskin got stuck and PULL!

  15. Hey I am a man and I can't think of a valid reason why a man should go without underwear. This has got to be one of the funniest stories I have read in a blog for quite a while, thanks to you and Gerad for the laugh.

  16. chillycraps,
    Got pics only wor! But cannot post on my blog lah!!! I look like an AV girl (porn star) next to the dick. Geez.....

  17. Hi vad3r!

    Ouch!!!! Tat must be painful! yanking your brother like tat!
    We gals find it so amusing. hehehe....

  18. dk,
    Got picures!!! yeah!!!

    Hurting Dick! hehehe...

    But I doubt you want to see, you also have one wat! hahahaha....

  19. Hi Jose!
    Gerard's (and many female staff's) reason for not wearing undie is purely cosmetic. So that the outlines of the undie doesn't show on the pants.
    *roll my eyes*

  20. Oh, poor guy! But I can't help giggling over the way you describe it, ecl!

    Should tell him... vanity, vanity. Tsk tsk tsk! ^.^

  21. rinnah,
    yup... poor guy.
    I was also giggling when I was doing it, it's so hard trying to keep a straight face!

    ya... it's all vanity!

  22. Aiyo..poor thing..and somemore you go and tell the whole world..dem malufying....yeah , i can picture you kneeling in front of him trying to pull the fly..kakakkaa..

  23. kekeke ... eve.
    I have to tell the whole thing becos got frenz think I secretly makan (having an affair)! Walau! Jump into Yellow River also cannot wash away the accusation! Becos I look the type who would have affairs! muahahahahaha....

    Ya... picture me and you can see how tough it is, to not have any evil thoughts and save the dick for some one else! muahahahaha....

  24. oh man.... that really really gotta hurt... it's almost like a circumcission!!! ow ow ow ow!

  25. The most funny story I've red for ages and thanks for all the details - I felt bad for Gerard though!
    Your such a good Florence Nightingale. Now I know where to go when mine is stuck into something I don't want too:-)

  26. Hi mark!
    ya .... sure hurts like crazy. Gerard couldn't put on the undie we bought. For the rest of the day, I allowed him to wear a towel around his waist! :)

  27. hahaha... rennyba,
    I'm not Florence Nightingale, I'm Dr Hyde! hehehe....

    You fly to Singapore or I fly to Norway? :)

  28. ecl ah...

    really really happen meh?

    hmmmm looks like Gerald might get so many same birthday presents this year! LOL...

  29. keropok man!
    You another one lah! Trying to get me to post the pictures! You think my blog is Xin Min papers? Write juicy stuff to boost traffic. cheh! hehehe....

    yalor.... everyone thinks like you leh, going to get him undies for his birdday! hahahaha.....

  30. wah.. so funny
    oops.. shouldn't laugh :P
    can imagine the huh-hah at that moment ;)

    u r the heroin of the day liao..

  31. ECL. One more thing to respect you.
    How you can be so calm is beyond me.

    This kind of thing, usually we let bernardchan deal with it.
    Yes. It reallllly hurts.

  32. u use your mensan knowledge to "unzip" the fella like that ar... walauyeh

  33. chen,
    How come you and eve don't offer suggestions on how to deal wif this situation wan? Can laff sum more! hehe...

    farnee, I'm not heroine, I've become AV gal! muahahahaha...

  34. yenjai,
    alamak, I feel so shy. Showing off in front of doctors some more!

    My whole forehead full of sweat arh! What calm? I think being married and having dicks at home helps! hehehe....

    Bernard Chan? Ahhhh... must get his contact numbers. :)

  35. Hi freethinker,
    hehehe.... my mensa knowledge so powerful huh, no need to seek doctors' help! Actually I posses supernatural powers too, I can 'unzip' a guy with my eyes!!! muahahahaha....

  36. Next time try applying some margerine or butter on his dick before doing a fast yank on his zip.

    I know it'll lok delicious lah, but try to control yourself. LOL

  37. Hi ECL,
    Funny stories, I saw these youtube about a lady blogger interviewing a plastic surgeon, she kept on laughing, I felt quite humourous?

  38. Cocka,
    I was laughing like mad when I read your suggestion. Then my hubby agrees with you and he explained why to me.

    Applying butter on the dick, I imagine a Corn on the Cob! hahahaha..... I will surely lose control wan!!!!! Serious.

  39. did he even get his big boy caught up in his zipper in the first place..and I like the suggestion of using butter

  40. Jon boi boi,
    You like the suggestion of butter for its usefulness or actually want me to lose my head? muahahahaha......

  41. Eastcoastlife, sounds like very challenging to be a boss. You can entrusted with such precious part of the body... sounds painful....

  42. oceanskies,
    Yes, there are lots of benefits being a Boss. :)

  43. Incredible man! Like I said, your life is more eventful than any serial drama that MediaCorp produces. Reminds me of that comedy "Something about Mary" when Ben Stiller got his brother caught in the zip and everybody was trying to help him undo it. Hilarious man but I am sure your colleague must be anything but laughing.

  44. cool insider,
    Oh .... he was embarrassed, vexed, in pain, but nevertheless amused and very touched by our helpfulness! :)

  45. I've only been away from blogs for a while and could see a few posts about sex-related subject! But this post... gosh! I can't believe it. I could feel the pain even if I'm not a man. I heard that some guys don't wear underwear, but this... hahaha. You were really bold to help him out... What a boss!? :P

  46. I had to laugh from the situation and had to cry for I too know that pain.
    Great story. A good pecker story is always a hoot.

  47. this is by far the most hilarious blog post i've ever come across, and starring ECL too! wow! poor gerard... still a laughing stock now and recuperating?

  48. Hello windy,
    Glad to have you back!

    At first I thought only models don't wear undies, but around me are some pretty hip people who don't wear undies everyday! Phew! I'm tempted to look closer at people's butts now. hahaha....

  49. Teacher Dave,
    As a man, you would understand the pain. :) And you would find it amusing if it's not happening to you! hehe....

  50. sweetpea,
    hehehe... I'm not the star, I'm just forced to be the parent and to make a decision. These youngsters can be such big babies.

  51. Hahahaaha!! Corn on the cob! LOL

    Oh, by the way...I've just linked you.

    I, Cocka Doodle, hereby bestowed upon thee the title "Free Willy".

  52. Huh??? Free Willy. I thought er.... Free Dick. muahahahaha... thanx for the link. I have also linked you earlier. :)

  53. Hahhahaha!! you are my hero lah..!!! you are the really "CAN".. ECL..!! i never fail to love you more.. each time i finished reading an entry from you ..!

  54. wah! mamabok,
    Thanks leh! er... I got no balls and dick, so better to be heroine, ok? hahaha.....

    Glad you enjoy my posts. :)

  55. LOLOLOL!! I SAVED THIS FOR A NICE QUIET RELAXED MOMENT, AND IT'S BEEN WORTH EVERY SINGLE WORD! Ooops, sorry, Caps locked and I am too lazy to backtrack now! Potong stim.. Well done to you! Now I know who to call when there's a tangled up dick..

  56. ECL! YOU ROCK MY WORLD! wahahhaa.... *salute* *kow tow* hahahhaa.... hilarious. i seriously thot u were KIDDING when i got your twitter!!!! :P next time pls say "this is NOT a joke" at the front of the msg... hahaha... :P

  57. Is everybody throwing away their underwear?

    Do I want to be in a fate like Gerald?

    I think not!

  58. No oiled dick? I'm very disappointed.... *giggles*

    I've only heard of one man dancing around because he were folding in his cigarrette by mistake... His pants didn't get on fire though. Bummer.

  59. lol lol lol! i oredy started luffing on the first line! imagine i luffed all my way from the start to the end! o.O

    kkk... wah this is so funny man! i wonder how did he walk out from the toilet after such commotion! so embarrassing can! u guys all jeering at him isit? sure no face wan! :P

  60. I thought this only happens in "Ally Mcbeal-type" unisex toilet. It's so embarrassing. :O

  61. LB,
    You offered no solution when I twittered and even suspected me of having an affair. sniff... sniff....

  62. Genie,
    Oh Gosh! I have become 'the girl who cried wolf'? How come everybody thought I was joking? Geez.......

    I have to put "This is NOT a joke!" in front of all cries for help next time! lol......

  63. Captain Picard,
    Come join the IN crowd! Let's throw away our undies! hahahaha....

  64. Hi Captain Lifecruiser,
    Welcome, I'm happy to see you here. :)

    Seriously, I didn't know I have to oil the dick.

  65. kyh,
    argh... dun worry for Gerard. He's a strong kid, he's holding up well. My employees are fun people, with such a siao Boss, what do you expect? hehehe....

    People were mostly concerned about Gerard, it's inevitable some might find it amusing. It really is a funny situation. I published it not to embarrass Gerard, in fact he got lots of publicity from it and many chicks want to visit his injured brother. hehehe...

    Hope I have requests from cute guys to examine their brothers. muahahaha....

  66. tigerfish,
    Actually the stories from the movies or drama serials were real life stories adapted for the screen. Just because most of us lead a normal but boring life doesn't mean such things dun happen. It was embarrassing for Gerard at first but we made it into a comedy. hahaha....

  67. I can see that this post is getting very very popular. I wonder if it is appropriate to include the name of the protagonist? It may mean suffering the embarassment twice? Once in the actual situation, and another time on the blogosphere?

    Furthermore, Suntec is such a huge place. Well, the name is a common one. Thank goodness.


    How about a little WD-40 before starting? For penises of steel.

    Or KayWye Jelly for the more gentle touch?

    I agree that undies are sometimes a waste of time.

  69. oceanskies,
    No worries. It's all in good fun and Gerard's happy now with his new found fame and new chicks. He's the envy of the office guys now.hehehe.....

  70. Oops! Doc,
    Did I do wrong on this?

    Really? serious? Have to oil/lubricate the dick first? I thought kidding leh! Oh dear! hehehe......

  71. Actually I drop by to tell you that I am feeling much better now.

    Saw this post, it is real funny... hahaha

    You are really very good! Cant take it. Sure do this again ... hahahaha

  72. Do you know what was my first reaction when I read the title of this post?

    "Pain or not????" lol

  73. hi pinkhippo!
    Glad that you are feeling better.

    Pain or not???
    Waaahh!!! Sure pain lah! My first reaction was : suck in my breath, "Ouch!!".
    I feel his pain too!

  74. 80 comments and more are coming. are u sure it happened as u are good in writing stories....hehehe but it was a gd one indeed

  75. This is painfully funny!!! Poor guy! Was he able to walk properly after that?!

  76. Johnny,
    Looks like I have to upload the photos we took to convince people it did happened. :)

  77. wokkingmum,
    Of course he was able to walk after that. It's only a minor injury. We plastered it so his brief doesn't rub against the wound. :)

  78. funny like in the movie only. btw, how long is his dick? kekekeke

  79. ka na sai lah, miche!
    Where got the sim jeng to measure his dick man?

  80. oh man.. i can feel the pain just reading it..

  81. sorry to say, u've become famous :D

  82. edmv
    OMG!!! What have you all done! Geez.....

    Cobalt was the main culprit!!! grrrr......

  83. Haha I had such a good laugh reading this! With this being tomorrow-ed, looks like Gerard would be enjoying more than 3 seconds of fame.

  84. Veron,
    OMG! This has gone way too far liao!

    Gerard and I are gonna be on leave from tomorrow. We can't afford to even walk around Suntec City now. haiz....

  85. very entertaining post, but you probably shouldn't have included his name.. poor Gerard...

  86. hahaha LMAO did the poor guy got an erection when you helped him?

    I'll call you up next time something like that happened to me! xD

  87. LOL! Poor Gerard. But luckily you saved the day...and his dick.

  88. Wah! No joke! This is so happening, so drama!

  89. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  90. This is sooooo hilarious!!!!! Hahahahaaaa ... Ouch!!!!

    But, I hope Gerard is feeling better now.

  91. alex,
    Oh no! For preventive measures, pls wear undies. hehehe....

  92. king's wife,
    gosh, he won't get his dick amputate even if I didn't help him. I guess a doctor would have snip off the skin too. :)

  93. yo fleck.
    You came becuase of the hooha! hehehe....

  94. lilMrsT,
    hehehe... Gerard is fine. Young man heals fast.

  95. pinkie,
    No point trying to prove anything. I can't upload the photos.
    *shrug shoulders*

  96. Ouch! This sounds painful... Luckily you all managed to "save" him... Painful for him as it is, I think it is really very funny for us to read about even though it is not funny for him then. :P

    Think you all can buy G-string for him liao lah... so that it will fit into his cosmetic reason... ;)

  97. hello zhenzhen,
    Thanks for your concern. :)

    We are buying him some funky undies for his birdday. hehehe....

  98. instead of buying undies, maybe get him pants with buttons instead of zips. :p

  99. OMG, that was sooooooo funny!! Poor guy must be totally embarrased by the incident!

  100. CCDA: This post ganna tomorrow-ed. Steady leh.

    That guy's face now don't know hide where. Chiam.

  101. wah. u are a hero. i think in this time and age, 女人不是弱者.
    anyway, ur blog entry has made it to 新明日报 and radio1003. I think Gerard has to cover his face when he goes out now.

  102. dk,
    When I knew I was tomorrowed, I know trouble liao. haiz.....

    Sending Gerard to China.

  103. Hi kel,
    Thanks for the info. haiz.....
    unwanted publicity and attention.

    Gerard will be on leave for the time being.

  104. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  105. i felt so sorry for that guy cos his dick was dickhandled by such an ugly gal.. sorry guy .. cheer up ..

  106. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  107. tsk tsk tsk
    I feel sooooo sorry for you because you are not only uglier, but you have NO BALLS (hiding behind anonymous comments) and NO BRAIN! hahahahaha.... moron.

  108. oUCH! That's why we go for circumcision (sunat)... cos we muslims know this sure gonna happen. Ouch. I feel the pain already. Happen to me when I was about 10.

    azrin @

  109. Ha ha ha ... can't believe that you actually did it without calling in professional help though. I would have thought instead of taking the ... erm ... victim out of the bathroom, those medics would have some sort of "procedures" to get the thing done. Anyway, good job!

  110. Hi Wilfrid!
    Call an ambulance to free a dick? siao. hahaha....
    Well, we did think of that but it was just too freaking funny lah! I did it without having to spend a single cent and waste precious resources wor. :)

  111. In med school, when I was attached to the A&E department, I was thought how to handle one of these 'emergencies'.

    Pulling out the zip like eastcoastlife did can be quite a dangerous move, esp if one quick move catches more skin as it moves across.

    SOLUTION! (for any future accidents)

    1) Pull the zipper upwards (giving about 1 cm clearance from the skin below)

    2) Get a scissors and snip the unzipped part of the zip (i.e. above the zip), one snip on each side. So that when the zipper is pulled further up, the whole zipper will come off from the 'zip tracks' .

    3) Watch slowly as the whole zip unravels, releasing the skin in a safe way. No terrifying zipper movements back along the skin!

    **Disclaimer - most prob u'd have to get a tailor to sew on a new zipper, but it beats a surgeon sewing on torn skin anyday.

  112. Thanks for the solution, Doc!

    Phew, that was a dangerous thing that I did. :P

  113. Hi! Spicy Mama, I am HotMama. Thanks for dropping by my blog and droppign your EC card.

    I am so glad you did, because otherwise, I would not have discovered you. I am also an Asian - A Filipina, which I know you see a lot of in your country.

    This particular post got me rolling in laughter. I didn't want to make the comment list longer but don't blame me, it is way too interesting not to react to.

    Bless you for making the blogosphere a lot more fun.