Tuesday, July 10, 2007

How not to get pregnant?

I often have overseas friends or business associates who want to send their children to study in Singapore. Because they trust me, they always request that their children live with me. I cannot take in so many of them, so usually for the older kids I would recommend them to hostels. And I would visit them often to make sure they are comfortable. And we usually meet up for meals every now and then.

But there would still be lots of problems. These kids would get into all sorts of trouble and mischiefs. And quite often, I get disturbed during meetings and sometimes even in the middle of the night by oversea calls from the parents to settle their kids' problems.

Young people these days mature faster than we did when we were teenagers. Some of the girls who live in hostels would have boyfriends. Well, it's natural that they do. Afterall they are living in a foreign place and they need someone to love and care for them, someone to talk to and share. There are things they wouldn't want to do with me.

Yeah, they get pregnant. sigh....... and I get blamed. "Why didn't you tell me my daughter has a boyfriend? Why didn't you tell me she stayed out the whole night? How did she get pregnant?" Excuse me. Huh?

There are a couple of girls who insist they want to move out of the hostel and move in with their friends or classmates in an apartment. I was tasked to check out the place. Boys and girls living together in a apartment. I was told boys share a room and girls share another room. I told the parents and warned them of the consequences but the mother gave the green light. Oh. OK.

My friend's daughter got pregnant a few months later. I was blamed again. "How can you not know my daughter was co-habiting with this boy? Why didn't you tell me?" What!?

Then a mother threatened begged and pleaded with me to put her daughter in my house. 8 months later, she also got pregnant. aiyoooo ........*slaps my forehead*

She was a good girl. She attended school regularly, she came back before 7pm every day. She was alseep by 10pm. She would be out the whole day during weekends but she would come back by 9pm. Her Mom monitored her by frequently calling her on her cellphone. She showed me photos of her outings with her many boy and girl friends. Usually a big group of them. sigh....

Then the next batch of girls who came, I distributed condoms to every one of them and taught them how to use them if the need arises and stressed on the importance of safe sex. I also gave them a talk on sex education which was pretty interactive. hehehe.... It's better to be safe than sorry.

One day, one of the mothers came to visit her daughter and found condoms in her daughter's handbag.

"Aunty give me this!" Ok, you can imagine the rest of the story........

Geez...... How can I prevent such things from happening? Tolong (Help)! Someone help me. Give me suggestions.


76 comments:

  1. errr.... don't they know the consequences of getting pregnant while they are still young? Lidis very susah. Give them the Chasity belt and let Yenjai keep the keys *evil grin*

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  2. ... pleaded with me to put her daughter in my house. 8 months later, she also got pregnant.

    Didn't know Jaymes was so naughty!

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  3. for sure, you're in a difficult position, there's nothing you could do when the girls are outside.

    the temptation and influence nowadays are too strong.

    i pity your position.

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  4. Hijackqueen,
    Surprisingly, no. They thought they would not be so 'lucky' to get pregnant.

    hahaha.... let Yenjai keep the keys? er.... where to buy Chasity belts? Online ar? hehehe.....

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  5. Alamak Miss Loi!
    How can say this! kekeke....

    I have 5 other teenaged boys in my house too, but they didn't do it!!!!

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  6. Leonard,
    Yes. I'm in a very difficult position. This is also part of my job, to look after the welfare of my wards.

    I am being entrusted with many teenagers. It is a great responsibility. If you are too strict, they rebel. If you are too lenient, they go wild. Either way, I get screwed. hahaha.....

    Their parents expect me to be Superwoman, 24 hours monitor and supervise their precious babies. Headache.

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  7. Hahaha classic example of help also die, don't help also die.

    Caller: How did my daughter get pregnant!?!?!?!
    Ed: Do you want me to tell you in details?
    Caller: OF COURSE!!! (Angrily)
    Ed: They were under a tree one day, and they started kissing. Not sure how it happened by they started touching each other, and they kinda turned each other on...
    Caller: Can you stop beating around the bush?
    Ed: Oh that is simple... they f**k. Remembered how you end up with your daughter? Same way...

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  8. Hmm...jab them with contraceptives..once in 3 months nia..ok wat..hahaha..aisey..I know how difficult it is...even if their mothers are here , I dun think things can be any different..

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  9. teenage years = raging hormones!

    u've got a difficult case here leh. i'd tell them to do wat they want to do, but be street smart. yeah, too bad u have to tell them about the birds and the bees. not all parents can do that (mine certainly didn't teach me!)

    but ultimately, it is still the parents' responsibilities if anything happen to their kids. they can't thrust everything to u and wash their hands clean.

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  10. I used to handle literally hundreds of PRC kids as part of the church support group. Check in on them regularly, teach them good values, and meet their parents when they are here or when I'm in China.

    Even then, still some get pregnant.

    I must say your job is more difficult, living with them day in and out, fully emphatise with your situation.

    How about peer monitoring and teaching their parents how to acces their myspace blogs so that there will be less surprises?

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  11. u probably should prepare some after pills and make them tell u in the event of a ahem....

    Jason.

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  12. Ed,
    Yes. I'm really VERY tired most days.

    Thanks for that pick-me-up. hehehe....

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  13. eve,
    Precisely! What the parents cannot control also, they expect me to do it!

    So many examples, almost everyday I have to handle problems!
    If I'm that super, I would have made bigger bucks helping parents solve their parental woes!

    contraceptive jabs..... hmmmm. Leave no marks, right? hahahaha... Can try lah. Walau, don't know what to do liao leh!

    sigh.... expect another problem then...

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  14. sweetpea,
    Most of the parents expect me to bao swa bao hai (take care of everything) for that measly fee I charge.

    Most of them become very unreasonable when problems happen, they would blame everyone but themselves.

    Parents will never believe their child(ren) are bad. Agree?

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  15. highwayblogger,
    Ah, see! Lucky have you who have been through this or else people would think I'm telling fairy tales!

    peer monitoring and teaching their parents how to acces their blogs
    sigh.... been there, done that and lots more but still have such problems. *headache*

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  16. Jason,
    Huh? Where got girls want to tell me, "Aunty, I just had sex!"

    Also, I think liddat I no need to sleep every night liao! very busy running to deliver after sex pills!! hahaha.....

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  17. mamabok,
    Yalor. You also have a daughter, start thinking now. I'll share with you the tips I have collected so far. :)

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  18. I agree with ur method, give them condom n sex education! What else we can do? They're still young and very itchy ler, talk 2 much, they hate u too!!!

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  19. monkeywong,
    Yes, they don't like me to even open my mouth. sigh.... cannot say them.

    I would love very much to just ignore them but don't have the heart to do so. :(

    ReplyDelete
  20. "Young people these days mature faster than we did when we were teenagers."

    I agree so much with this statement. Kids nowadays freak the hell of out me.

    Actually in such cases, not the teens alone should be blamed. Their parents have responsibilities too. Good girls who come back daily before 7 or 9 pm can get pregnant too... the "process" doesn't take too much time only, anywhere summore, LOL!

    Perhaps besides sex education (it's so cool you have it with them, btw) you can stress to them how important to be able to 自爱 is. And how horrible AIDS can be. LOL!

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  21. I'm intereted to know what you advise them to do? Abortion ? Or get married? What the boy do?
    The boy should responsible too.

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  22. day-dreamer,
    haha... thanks for the suggestion.

    Yes, I did tell them. I have articles and gruesome photos of STD and AIDS pasted on the notice board. And I also cautioned them about the dangers of having pre-marital sex. But they don't bother to listen also. They very gung-ho. hahaha.....

    And every time they 出事, I get blamed. responsibility is pushed to me. WTF!

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  23. hanneng,
    The girls were only 16 to 18 years old. The oldest boy is 20. How to get married? They are still kids.

    Usually the parents of the girls would bring them back to their country. Most likely the girls get an abortion.

    Most of the boys' parents would object to marriage on the grounds of the boy not having finished his study and too young to bear responsibility of a family. With some saying very nasty things to the girl's parents. Big fights would break out.

    It's a messy affair. They won't listen to me. Best thing is to sit one side and keep quiet. But also they would turn around and blame me for not being strict with my discipline. Big headaches for me! arggghhhh......

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  24. the pill against the babies
    condom against std´s

    Tell the parents upfront that putting the girl on the pill is the only way to effeciently reduce the risk of pregnancy. IF they think their girls dont have sex, remind them of their own youth. Or let them continue to live a life in a bubble. Ideally you want to sexually emancipate the girl as soon as possible, so that she remains in controll of her own life.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Hi Captain Crunch,
    Yes, I would love to put them on pills and distribute condoms, but the parents would object and think I'm promoting promiscuity.

    In an Asian society, especially where they come from, it is taboo to even speak of contraceptives to teens. Many of these young people know nuts about sex because it is a taboo subject.

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  26. There is only one sure way for women not to get pregnant, and that's not to have sex!

    Back from vacation, ECL!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Poor u..
    u cannot monitor their every steps.
    Yeah, i agree with u most of the youngsters thought they won't be so lucky to get pregnant, and who knows... many kena the jackpot.. and went for illegal abortion.. Aiyhhh..

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  28. Wah piang... your situation is very &^4#@!!, hor?

    I also scratching my head... how not to get pregnant? Dun f*** lor... maybe can scare them that each time they f***, sure get preggie wan... u thinks will works?

    ps: eastcoastlife jie, thanks for the concern... I had fever & headache earlier, now better liao :)

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  29. Haa... thats nothing you could do. End of the day, it still boils down to the individual.

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  30. ecl, so many headaches from other people's problems hor? If I were you, I wash my hands of them and tell them to sort out their own children's accommodation lor.

    When everything goes well, a little 'thank you', free dinner, but when something like this happens, Radio Singapore is on 24/7, how to tahan?
    Like ah kong and amah throwing pots and pans (ting tong cheng, ting tong cheng)!! Tau tia liow!

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  31. Guess you are in a no win situation! It's is really tough. Ultimately it's up to the child whether they want to get into trouble or not. its the values they have been brought up with.

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  32. Ooiiiii.
    Talking behind me.

    Chastity belt? Key I keep? I don't believe in such thing. It infringe on the person's right.

    Actually, if you are near, I don't mind doing some counselling for them. (been doing for schools, some years back. Mind you, they are RELIGIOUS school, and you know what religion I am talking about).
    The result is rather good, I would say.

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  33. Next.. you need to distribute pills..
    Hey, you run a social service or what?

    When my girls turn 18yrs old, can I send them to stay with you also? Spare me the trouble of having to do sex education with them.. Haha.. :P

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  34. ECl,
    Either way, the parents will not be happy... But the thing is, although you are their guardian when the children are there, they have to understand that you can't control them 24/7.

    And trust me, teenagers nowadays are really smart... They can tell you that they are with a bunch of friends.. (maybe they are) but during the outing, they might run else where to do some.. well.. "activities"..

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  35. Hard lah! The boys and girls must stay in different houses/apts, then you must put curfew on them. And chastity belts too! But they are so young, anything also can blame you leh....decide to be a 好人 or 坏人 , if not 就不要做人!!!

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  36. That's quite pain in the ass!

    Kids nowadays are more matured and advanced from us before. These days they know every single thing.

    But the parents can't blamed you.

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  37. eastcoastlife said...
    Jason,
    Huh? Where got girls want to tell me, "Aunty, I just had sex!"

    Also, I think liddat I no need to sleep every night liao! very busy running to deliver after sex pills!! hahaha.....

    Tuesday, July 10, 2007 1:37:00 PM SGT

    Aiyo, u don't have to wait for them to tell you one mah....

    just prepare one bottle in a cupboard and tell them to help themselve.... hahahaa

    ReplyDelete
  38. I am a new visitor for your blog. Are you a caretaker or what? OR you just did it because of friend's request?

    I think this is not the matter of getting pregnant or not, the parents themselves should take up the responsibility, not you! :)

    My poor friend! :)

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  39. Haiz...Mebbe they (the parents) shud get a lesson in sex education.

    Also tell those girls, AVOID SEX 2 weeks AFTER your period starts. They all need this biology lesson la.

    Easy to get pregnant and easy to get STDs!

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  40. Sometimes I fell like just laughing at their misfortunes lor.. I mean, how can they be so stupid as to not use a condom!!?? Haiz.. wanna have fun also must cover up ur tracks mah! Really don't understand these ppl are plain stupid or what...

    Maybe they scare to go buy condom!?? Being Asians sure will malu lor, esp if you're young and buying condoms! But then if they don't even have the guts to buy it, how are they gog face the burden of a child?? Anyway, they can always purchase condoms online if they're too scare to buy it face-to-face!

    Wat happened to the gal? I hope she didn't go for abortion!

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  41. help also get in trouble, don't help also get in trouble. those girls (and guys) should go for vasectomy ler.

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  42. Hmmm.

    It should have been parents' responsibility (had they taught their children well) but they pass it to you. So what you may wish to do is to pass the responsibility to the schools, to the teachers. And they too will pass the responsibility to MOE, to the government.

    So why wait? Knowing your style, I think you may wish to go direct to the government agencies for a solution :)

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  43. Hi Eastcoastlife,

    If you are thinking of conducting a workshop for these teenagers to provide them with information to make wiser choices about sexual activity, you may wish to check out the No Apologies programme organised by Focus on the Family. (see the link I have placed here.

    Maybe you can go for one of the facilitator's training and be a trained facilitator of this programme? Premarital sex among teens is getting more common than many of us may think....You will be providing value-added service to conduct such programme for those teenagers under your care.

    For your convenience, here's sopme info: "no apologies" is a dynamic character-based curriculum intends to help young people with their decision to abstain from premarital sexual activity. It provides information on sexual health and educates young people on the value of good character and healthy relationships. Good judgement, courage and self-control are some of the qualities promoted throughout the"no apologies" program.

    ReplyDelete
  44. It seems the times you try to help is when you get blamed for others mistakes. Perhaps one should look in a mirror to see who is looking back.

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  45. next time don't distribute condoms. teach them how to "withdraw gun".

    mm... if you do stop distributing, can I have the condoms please?

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  46. Yes, George.
    I have a very interesting life and it's getting more exciting each day! :)

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  47. Hi Captain Picard,
    Finally you're back from your lovely cruise! Yeah!

    How can women not have sex? So where you men gonna bury your dicks? hahaha.....

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  48. chen,
    Yes, I am expected to monitor the kids' every movement, as if I could! Their parents aren't even allowed to say a word to them! I'm a miracle worker. hahaha....

    Usually for the pregnant girls, they have to go for an abortion. Their families won't allow them to keep the babies.

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  49. My angel,
    I may tell/advise/warn/threaten them hundreds of times but will they listen? No.

    They need to fall hard in order to pick themselves up. They learn the hard way. That's the price for not listening to 'people who eat rice more than they eat hamburgers'. :)

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  50. Hi Kim,
    Yes, I can't do much. I'm not their Mom. I have no say. And it's their lives. :)

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  51. Judy,
    I would love to wash my hands off them. But my conscience doesn't allow me to. I'm just too much of a kaypoh (busybody).

    I think I'm just a jin guat tau (贱骨头) who thrives on unrest and fights. hahaha......

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  52. stay-at-home mum,
    Yes, I'm in a no-win situation. Values these days don't mean a thing to the young parents and young people. The society is changing into something scary. I loathe to even think what it's gonna be like in 10 years' time.

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  53. yenjai,
    hehehe.... wonder why Hijackqueen look you so up! :)

    Counselling helps only a few of these young people, not many of them would listen.

    They have listened to such talks but yet they get into trouble. Temptations, persuasions, weak minds, a moment of weakness.... may cause their downfall.

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  54. zara's mom,
    Huh? Distribute pills!? better not do that or else their parents would come after me with choppers! hahaha.....

    And please don't send your teenaged kids to me hor, I'm thinking of retiring SOON!

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  55. siwwypig,
    Yes, no way I can monitor them 24/7. I have more than 30 wards spread over several hostels, how to monitor? I no need to work, sh*t and sleep liao!?

    These young people have a lot of tricks lah. Lock the doors also they would climb windows, trees and fences. Some more they have friends to help them cover. These type of kids, just let them be lor. :)

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  56. tigerfish,
    To many, I'm always 坏人 (bad), 好人难做啊! Not easy to be a good person in this world!

    我不可以做人了,production stopped already! hahaha.....

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  57. angel eyes,
    Nowadays, kids know much more kinky things than the adults.

    They have ready access to a lot of stuff due to the internet and media.

    Everything is evolving around us. Hope for the better. :)

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  58. Jason,
    Ya hor. Put one bottle in their cupboard, hope they remember to take. :)

    I would be on headlines one of these days. Chopped up by one of their parents!

    ReplyDelete
  59. Hi healy,
    I'm the owner of an Education Consultancy, recommending and matching foreign students to the appropriate schools here in Singapore. So I'm their guardian.

    Most parents expect me to take over their responsibilities. They usually become defensive and unreasonable once problems concerning their kids happen. That's where fights erupt.

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  60. mott,
    It's so surprising that parents don't teach their kids the birds and the bees. It's such an important subject that you cannot leave it to the school or someone else to do! When something happens, it's usually too late.

    Not many young people can hold their horses at the most critical moment. Not much can be done unless they understand the reason behind the adults' kind advice.

    Some of my girls don't even remember when was or is their next menses, how to teach them to calculate? hahaha.....

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  61. kev's walkabout,
    if you want to laugh at their misfortunes, you would really die of laughter over the reasons why they don't use a condom. :)

    Like I said, if they don't listen, they have to learn it the hard way. They can't blame it on anyone and I don't take such sh*t too.

    The girls usually go for abortions. They are the ones who are hurt the most. :(

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  62. May,
    hahaha... yes, that's my situation. Help also die, don't help also die.

    vasectomy? Cannot. Later they cannot have babies if they want.

    Fix the problem, not fix the people. :)

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  63. Hello wilfrid! :)

    Sex education has to start from home and as soon as the child starts getting inquisitive. I taught my son when he was age 11.

    He didn't go out and sow his wild oats. In fact, he is more aware of the problems and understands why he should not (not cannot)have pre-marital sex. He is taught to respect and care for the girl.

    Anyway, regarding the wards and their parents, it's not even my problem. If it is my son's, I know exactly what to do. When it happens to someone's child, I leave it to them to settle.

    I'm not so unreasonable as to push everything to the government. But I think some of their teachers who teach sex education must come to me for lessons. They sux at it! :)

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  64. Oceanskies,
    Hey, the No Apology programme sounds great. Thanks. I'll check it out.

    ReplyDelete
  65. Hi Teacher Dave,
    Some of these people have never looked at a mirror. They don't know how ugly they are. :)

    They think themselves as beautiful and everyone else around them are ugly. :)

    ReplyDelete
  66. ah pek,
    Hey, first time you comment. Must give you ang-pow. Red condoms! er.... where to send them? hehe...

    Yeah, teach the boys to withdraw guns. But they withdraw only after pumping every bullet! Die or not!?

    You need so many condoms wan meh!?

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  67. ECL, haha.
    hijackqueen does not look me up.
    She just think I .. will get naughty ... with the keys, haha

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  68. yenjai,
    looks like Hijackqueen knows something that I don't. ;P hehe....

    ReplyDelete
  69. I have sent one of my clients to the No Apologies workshop. My client had shared that the workshop is interactive and is delivered in an interesting manner.

    I gathered that it reinforces the idea of how abstaining from premarital sex can be a helpful choice. It's worth checking out.

    ReplyDelete
  70. Your hostel should be designated as "Get Pregnant There", and conserved by our government that's so desperate for women here to have babies.

    New business model: just have married couples booking into your hostel to bonk away with each other to make babies.

    And for every baby conceived there, you get a commission! :P

    ReplyDelete
  71. sicarii,
    aiyahhh....I don't own the hostel.

    But the idea of starting a business to get more married couples to conceive is fabulous! I start with you first! ^-^

    ReplyDelete
  72. Nice try, but I only enjoy the process of making (VERY MUCH!), and not intending to have an outcome 9 months later...

    ReplyDelete
  73. sicarii,
    hahaha.... Many married couples think like you, Singapore habis. er.... tapi sekarang Singapore sudah habis. :(

    ReplyDelete

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