Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Nightmare Break-up

I had dinner with 4 of my girlfriends last night. Actually we were gathered to help out June who has broken off with her boyfriend just two months ago. They were together for a year. June's an Investment Banker and her boyfriend's a Financial Analyst.

June initiated the break-up because she finds him too possesive. He would call her several times a day and even pop into her office unannounced. She needs to visit clients and entertained them and whenever she did, both of them would end up fighting. He insisted on reading her texts. He wanted her to quit her job and look for an office adminstrator post. June loves her job.

Now, a week after their break-up, she finds him turning up more frequently at her office, home and even restaurants where she was entertaining. He started stalking her. And the numerous texts, emails, phone calls he made to her freaked her out. He sent nasty emails to her boss and friends too. Now he is threatening to harm her. June reported it to the police but there was nothing to prevent him from hurting her.

I find it so scary. I have read of men killing their ex-girlfriends or ex-wives in the papers. Such things do happen. June is scared and depressed and feels so helpless. After she has finished sharing her story, we couldn't help keeping ourselves alert on the lookout for her ex-boyfriend in case he came charging at us with a knife.

I could almost hear him yelling,"Take that, you busybody! You bitch! Teaching her how to avoid me!" as he stabs again and again at me. lol ......

Even under the most amiable of circumstances, ending a romance is pretty crummy. But when the big goodbye is compounded by a hearty dose of mortification, jealousy, and nastiness well, it can be enough to make you want to swear off dating forever.

Do you have a nightmare break-up story to share?


  1. heya ecl, my that was scary, certainly can understand her feelings...

    I have my own story to share too and its in one of my blog archives =)

  2. Hi Nicole!
    Hey, where is it? Give me a link leh! I wanna read.

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. What's more scary is falling in love with a stalker in the first place. Lucky she broke up with him!

  5. Hi immomsdaughter!
    It was alright when they were courting, only after the break-up then the guy went bonkers. Very difficult to tell if a guy would turn out to be a stalker.

  6. Too bad that guy never stalk her that day during your gathering. Else ECL will surely go scold him until he so scare that he will never do it again.

  7. Waaah dk!
    You want me to die arh! Talk like that! (What if he's reading my blog!)

    No lah! I won't scold him. I will RUN! hahaha....

  8. Usually for such kind of situation it is best to talk to the person directly and try to solve it once and for all.

    Avoiding him wont solve the problem.

  9. Hi Paddy!
    Congratulations on your Verey anti-theft software for Apple notebooks!
    Woohoo! Exciting first day of sale tomorrow!

    My friend didn't avoid him but he just refused to listen and accept her decision. He's gone berserk.

  10. sounds like Mediacorp or TVB series liao...

    mai siao siao...

  11. Hi keropok man!
    Ya hor! I hope I don't become Straits Times Headlines instead.

  12. Gosh! I hope your friend, June, will be all right. What a freak he is!?

    Break-up story... not me but people around me. One of my friends broke up with her ex- because 1) he is a very selfish man and 2) he is married!!!

  13. Windy,
    I hope June's alright too. Kinda worried for her.

    Married and selfish - these two seem to go together well. :)

  14. i was stalk by my ex-bf bro in law! freaky family...the ex-bf is very possesive too. that's why i left him.

  15. miche,
    Huh? Ex-bf bro-in-law? So complicated. I know why you had to leave him. Gosh! What a family!

  16. I think my story is somewhat similar, if not scary eh ? =X

  17. Hiyak
    How come both of us writing about break up today?

    Sigh. Due to my job, I have to handle quite a lot of cases.
    It usually doesn't end nicely ...

  18. Wow! That is scary indeed. *crosses fingers* I hope I never meet a guy like that. No woman should ever have to meet a guy like that. :o)

  19. Ya nicole!
    You were too young then, fortunately no harm came to you. It's really pointless to tell you to 'open your eyes' because you never know what to expect from other people.

    When relationships turn sour, ex-bf/gf dun have to turn nasty. There are lots of suitable partners out there, no need to hang on to the past. Move on and get a life.

    Times does heal wounds.

  20. yenjai,
    What a co-incidence!

    How come the patients confide in their doctor wan arh? Wah! Then you get to hear a lot of stories.

  21. Hello rinnah!
    ya, wish you good luck because there are lots of stressed people nowadays. hehehe... scarying you lah!

  22. ECL, this happened, i experienced it b4, and since then i tend to shun away from scorpio. Love makes one blind and worst, makes one lose his rationale too.

  23. so sorry for that friend of yours. hope nothing has taken toll on her mind and body.

    anyway i can understand how that guy feels. i dunno but from what i know, most aggressive stalkers happened to be overconfident with themselves, and hardly fail in doing anything. They would consider themselves the savior or more superior to the people around him. It may look scary but actually this kind of people is actually deprived from much caring. Maybe your friend should call up his parents?

    well, i myself will never do this to my dear. to love is to let he/she be happy all the time, even though he/she is no longer with you.

  24. Be afraid!!....be very afraid!!!!


    -The Stalker-

  25. Ok ok ..that anon was me! *grin*
    Thanks for coming by my blog.
    Wow! That interview clip was great!

  26. Many stories!!! Many, many, many!!! I would need a thousand and one nights to tell it all! Have time?

  27. ECL, the sales start tomorrow lah not today :)

    We just delivered a whole lot of the anti-theft software over to Apple iShop just few hours ago. Hope that the software will be well liked esp for new Mac users :)

    Thanks again!

    Anyway regarding your friend, just ask her to be careful at all times but dont push herself too hard also.

  28. HELLO!

    I've tagged you..hope you won't mind doing it..quite a fun tag!


    my other blog (for verification of nuttiness) is at mott.blogsome.com


  29. Hmmm... my first thought is why a Financial Analyst who is obviously making big bucks (just like an investment banker) would still need to stalk for love? Wouldn't he be in the category of hot, highly paid and handsome (if he is that is)?

    Anyway, just tell your friend to be careful and protect herself. Surround herself with friends and take precautions. She can easily fend for herself I am sure.

    "Sometimes love just ain't enough..."

  30. So sorry to hear about June's predicament. Maybe she shouldn't be staying alone for the time being? That is if she's staying alone...

  31. oh dear, the ex is sooo insecure sampai gone nutty a bit liao.
    really hor, if first time phak thor kena lidat punya, probably go sign up in nunnery lor.

  32. Oops, zeezee.
    Tell me about it one day. Or you can publish a post on that. I kaypoh lah! hehehe....

  33. Hi colourful world!
    This incident has affected my friend very much. She is on the brink of a nervous break-down. We hope she could go away for a while.
    But running away isn't gonna solve any problem. We are at our wits' end.

    For a moment, you scare me. I thought it was HIM. sh*t!

    hehehehe .... no lah! Where got so easily scared wan.

    Thanks for your praise arh. :)

  35. lb,

    Tell me when we meet in Penang! Waaah! So looking forward to it!

  36. Paddy,
    I said tomorrow what! hehe... you worked too hard until blur liao.

    Thanks for your concern. All her friends are doing their bit to help her.

  37. Why did the police say they can't do anything to protect your friend when she has shown them the threats?

  38. Hey mott!

    Waaah! If I do this tag then my readers will know I’m the chiak char bo and husband abuser liao! How can?

    I can’t do this at once because I have some tags which I owe to other bloggers. Will do this when I have the slot. hehe……


  39. cool insider,
    We dun understand either. Something in him just snapped. I guess his thinking was, "If I can't get her, I'll destroy her!"

    You heard about the Top Scholar from Malaysia who pushed his ex-gf onto the MRT tracks? Because she wanted to break-up with him.

    He's brilliant, has a bright future but now faces charges for attempted murder. Why did he do it? I have no answer.

    Some people just can't take rejections, or they want to win all the time. They see it as a loss of face if they get ignored.

    I really have no answer.

    My friend will have to settle this herself. I hope the guy sees light soon, or else things are gonna get pretty ugly.

  40. Ya.... u run to grab the baseball bat that you hide inside your car right? :P

    He got so daring come read your blog meh? Don't worry, show him your power. :P

  41. Hi angel!
    She's staying with her parents in an apartment. But that is no guarantee her ex would leave her alone. Her Dad would wait for her after work at the carpark downstairs and escort her home everyday. Everyone's paranoid now.

  42. Hello nyonyapenang!
    Betul, laki dia sudah gila!

    It's not her first love but it definitely freaked her out that she would not be dating for a long while. tsk tsk tsk.....

  43. love coach,
    No evidence. It's only verbal threats. Recorded threats also not accepted.

    Our police very smart one, this type of thing they said is personal matters. Only when someone dies, then they get into action. Largely for the media to write how efficient and capable they are lor.

  44. dk,
    Dun make this type of joke lah!


    ei... you want me to die arh! Tonight is supposed to be my Last Supper izzit?

    *smack dk's head* si kin nah!

  45. Some guys take it quite hard during break-ups. Guys are usually quite insensitive to a lady's feelings.

    His possessiveness could be due to a low self-esteem. He may want to win back the relationship but didn't know that his action is driving your friend further and further away.

    If there's an opportunity, it would be good to talk things over again (not at a secluded place though) between the two of them. It might be good for your friend to let him know that she still cares for him but it might be better to cool things off for a while.

    Probably he is feeling "helpless" too because he is desperate to "win" back your friend's love.

    Talking to his parents might help if his parents are "discreet" in helping him find his feet again. If they just confront him, it may make matters worse.

    On the other hand, some guys just want to be the person who "dumps" and not the other way round. :-)

    During this time, it would be better for your friend to be accompanied by another lady friend.

    Hope this discourse provides some food for thought.

    Warm regards
    Tiat Leong
    P.S: Go for abundance ... http://www.AbundanceLaw.com

  46. Oh thanks a lot, Tiat Leong!

    Will show my friend your suggestions and let her decide.

  47. It's scary, but it shows what the guy was really like. It's a good job she broke up with him.

  48. scary...if the bf is so scary..maybe he's already got some mental problems...so see any women will also 砍 砍 砍.....:O

  49. I was stalked before and I can tell you it is a scary experience. Hope your friend will do everything to safe guard herself, don't go places alone, be wary in paraking garage etc.

  50. Sorry meant to say "parking" i/o "paraking" :P

  51. Usually I was the nightmare.

    But nothing worse than calling on the phone and begging in vain. Learned there are more fish in the sea.

    Hope your friend is safe. No one needs to get hurt because of someone else's insecurity.

  52. Captain Picard,
    Nobody expected him to behave this way. He is a fine young man, I think it is due to stress and his inability to accept failure.

  53. tigerfish!
    I hope his condition is temporary. You are making me scared. For nothing, I get chopped up. Do you think I should stay away from trouble and abandon my friend?

    Nay, I can't. :(

  54. firehorse,
    You were stalked also? aiyoh. Why are there such people?

    So everyday scared to go out and afraid to meet people, right? When the doorbell rings, you will jump out of your skin? That is so sad.

  55. Simple American!
    I certainly believe that you could be a stalker. hahaha....

    You would probably stalk me for yummy food. hmmmm... maybe my beauty. muahahahaha...

  56. ECL, family doctor IS supposed to get to know, as I am supposed to treat their anxiety / depression / suicidal tendency. Right?

  57. ... I am supposed to treat their anxiety / depression / suicidal tendency.

    I thought you would refer them to a psychiatrist. :)

  58. just the side effect of a society that has been focusing on the need to possess more and more stuff...

  59. ECL, mai house got no doorbell wan lah, it's so small, sekali open front door can see straight out the belakang, lol.
    I had no idea he was stalking me until he started calling me up and letting me know details of my own whereabouts. Oso got gangs involved so a bit complicated, yunno ini macam this gang member's girlfren anarder non-member curi lidat type of long story, hehe.

  60. I think engineertiat is right. She need to arrange for a third party or maybe asked the police to called him out for a dialogue.

  61. Hi astro,

    haiz.... and we are seeing more of such behaviour. Have to make greater effort to educate my precious son liao.

  62. Wah! Interesting man, firehorse!
    Triads involved. Must tell me the story one day arh.

  63. Henry,
    I don't think the police is so free to do this. They already pushed away responsibility because no proof mah. They must see dead body then they can do something. haiz....

    We are helping wherever we could to cut down the extent of 'damages'. Hope it works.


  64. My Ex had a face-off with my boyfriend at that time...It was such a commotion , and they were having their 'talk' at the college carpark...It was scary for me..It was a very long story la..kenot cerita here...heheh...

  65. Wah eve!
    Aisey man! Very anxious to hear the rest of the story leh!
    Two guys fight over you! Sure got interesting details. hehe....

  66. I had similar situation as your girlfriend. My ex stalked me for more than a month after we broke up. I was really scared because I was alone in Singapore and had no family and relatives.

    My friends and colleagues helped to protect me whenever they can. My ex even followed one of my colleague thinking that he is my new bf until that colleague had to call the others out.

    Until now, I still have nightmares about him. Very very traumatised!!!!

  67. Oh gosh lilMrsT,
    That was scary. How did you managae to escape his 'claws'? Maybe can be of help to my friend.

  68. After reading this post, I think I am just a novice where matters of the heart is concern.

    When love gets too deep, and beyond control, I wonder if it would be more a start of a nightmare?

  69. oceanskies,
    The things people would do for love or on the pretext of love. I can't fathom.

  70. I was in a similar situation like your friend. It was horrible! It took months to get him off my back!

    Hope your friend will be alright soon!

  71. Hi lzmummy,
    Oh gosh! Months!? That's terrible. We hope to settle this asap before things deteriorate further.