Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Friends with Benefits (FWB)

I learnt a new meaning to boy-girl relationship yesterday night. It got me excited. kekeke.....

I received a visit from my single girlfriend W, who is in her late 30s and has her own successful business. Conversation inevitably came to the subject of relationships. And she let out that she is still dating occasionally but not seeing anyone serious. She did shock me with this FWB thingy.

Friends with Benefits (FWB) or F*** Buddies (FB). It means "Two friends who have a sexual relationship without being emotionally involved. Two good friends who have casual sex without a monogamous relationship or any kind of commitment".

This is definitely going to cause a moral issue debate in our conservative Asian society. I'm not one to judge my friends on their lifestyles. They would tell me things they do in their private life and I offer my views if I'm asked, but I don't criticise.

It seems this FWB relationships are very common today, especially among the young. But what happens when a lonely 30something girl finds herself in one. A good thing?

W has 2 male friends whom she likes but wouldn't consider marrying them. These 2 guys are busy working professionals. They have no time for serious relationships. They meet for meals and have hot, sizzling sex, (Wah! The details really make me blush.) whenever they don't have to travel abroad for business. This is mainly a relationship based on sex, no strings attached. Either party is free to terminate it.

W is pretty and capable and has no lack of suitors despite her age. But she is not ready to settle down and prefers such an arrangement. A shrewd businesswoman woman who lives in a luxurious condo, drives the latest Beemer and goes for holidays in exotic destinations. I wonder how many more such single ladies like her are out there.

No never-ending household chores to do. No need to pick after someone. No need to yell at kids or worry about university fee hikes. Tempting.

I want a divorce!


  1. eastcoastlife,
    That's the society today. FWB, you'll just have to accept it. hahaha!

  2. OK, this post (the end) made me laugh

    I want a divorce!

    You can thank the sick and disgusting US for the FWB thing. No time for love. Just time for a quickie. It's the American way HA

  3. Mike,
    Yeah, it's the American way, just like its fast food. hahaha.... My good friend picked it up from her American girlfriends. :)

  4. ECL

    Good morning [it is 0715 in my time zone]. I had fun reading your fwb story, and I like the closing line.

    My recommendation is NOT to get a divorce. It is not worth it. That fwb can become friends WITHOUT benefits.

    Have a fine SINGAPORE evening.

    v/r cfs aka tlrb

  5. no strings attached, i like the sound of it but how long can u be doing that, am sure there will come a time when you wan to drop something screaming from your body into this world that you can call your own. FWB or rather FB (fuck buddy) is fast becoming a trend, iam not complaining haha who would. lets face it, no one does something without a reason.

    got to slap you sexy moma for mentioning the word divorce

  6. o.O at the last line...

  7. tlrb,
    Yes, it's not worth to get a divorce. I would have to pay alimony and give away half of my assets! hahaha.....

  8. Hi hi munaks!
    hehehe... wah! you wanna slap me! You think I so stupid. My hubby will become the happiest man on earth if I agree to a divorce. hahaha....

    He was happy for 10 mins after reading this post.

  9. Hahahaha!!! Divorce? Kenot liao... because you already got a son... can't be 'free' liao hehe...

    So... did you pick up a tip or two from W? Haha... *wink*

  10. My angel,
    My son is already grown up. He's also free liao!

    W gave me lots of tips. Want to know??? hehehe.....

  11. Mmmm... really tempting! But, even I divorce now. I'm still a "MUM". It's a bit late. Too bad isn't it? hahaha......

  12. hehehe... healy,
    You also tempted. You have to die your heart lah (give up the idea)!
    Go back to be good mummy.

    I tell you more stories on this. hahaha....

  13. And I thought these are only things I see on TV or read in books.. But then again, our society has changed, and so are our values..

  14. Oh ... this post reminds me that I have a 30-ish guy friend who has his own set of FB "f**k buddies" (apparently guys call it a bit more crude compares to ladies?) and he even went into the logistics of arranging for the actually sexual encounter ... man, I was shocked when I first heard it.

    I guess that is part of our modern society value. If sex is purely recreational, what do you expect eh?

    --> "I want a divorce!" ... shocked me off my chair ... ha ha ha.

    Actually why do you need a divorce to have FWB ... many don't and still in married state ... so I heard ... ha ha ha.

  15. Your post lends me a window to the alternative lifestyle that others may have.

    Not that I may choose the lifestyle, yet it is quite an enlightening experience to learn how others live their life.

  16. pelf,
    Our values have changed so much since our fathers' days.

    Actually what we saw on TV, happened in real life. If not how the scriptwriters got so many stories to write. hehe...

  17. I have a question. When I was in Singapore there was this drink I love so much that I bought a bunch to take back with me and I forgot to keep that can. For the life of me I can't remember the name.

    It's a soft drink. It's a rose pedal drink called Capitan Jack.....something. I drank all 4 cans on the way back to Washington DC.

    Can you help me?
    What is the name? Do they still sell it? Am I the only fool who actually drank it and enjoined it?

  18. wilfrid,
    FB!!! Wah! Already got this in Singapore so long liao. Why ppl keeping this info from me?

    You teaching me to 'tao sek' (secretly eat)? I dare not. I'll be exposed big time on BLOGS!!! hahaha....

  19. oceanskies,
    Yes, we hear about how others live but we can choose not to live their lifestyles.

    We must know how we want to live. Cannot follow blindly. Some lifestyles aren't suitable for us.

    I hope you can see this is a tongue-in-cheek post, I'm unlikely to do it. For Jaymes' sake. It would be shameful for him if I misbehave. :)

  20. "W gave me lots of tips. Want to know??? hehehe....."

    *Hands up* I wanna know. Hehehe.

  21. Mike,
    hmmmm .... a pinkish soft drink. Sweet? Fruity? I got to check it out.

    Give me some time. I'll get back to you on this. I'm sure it's still sold here if you had bought it here.

    Glad you enjoy the food and drinks here. :)

  22. Bernard,
    You want to know for what? Nobody to use on wor. Wait until you get one lah. Then I tell you. muhahahahaha.....

  23. *cocka standing by with coffee and kacang in hand*

    Yes! i want to know too!!

  24. cocka,
    Coffee!? No red wine arh?

    Put the coffee down first. What I'm gonna tell is going to get you into such a sexciting level that you would be gripped by a frenzy of love******! hahahaha....

  25. Thanks E. It's pink, but not too sweet. Just right. From what I heard not may people drank it. You have to appreciate it's taste to enjoy it.

  26. Mike,
    Ok, I'll check it out for you. :) Should't be too difficult.

  27. FWB relationships would never exist years ago, but are reflective of how things are. No strings, just the passion. No one has to worry about commitment.

  28. I think somewhere along the line, someone will be hurt regardless what sort of benefits there are.

    Call me old fashion or what but I'm not a 'grandmother' for nothing. :P

  29. And no one to wipe the drool off you chin when you are old.

    But then I wonder why I could never find a girl like this when I was younger. Oh I'm a geek. Almost forgot. :P

  30. I learned this term a couple of years ago when an old friend (whom I've not seen for 18 years) asked if I was into FWB. whaaaa?! what a question to ask after all those years! LOL!

    some can do it, other's can't. I'm not for FWB, I think I would get too emo ler...

  31. FWB ... no responsibilities, no worries, no fuss, no muss.

    Also ... no one to worry about you
    no one to make you chicken soup when you are sick. No one to grow old with. No one to pour your heart out to after a bad day. No one to tell you that things will get better.

    They can keep their FWBs ... I'll just hang on to my wife.

  32. What can I say, these things happen everywhere nowadays, regardless of age bracket. I love to read the things I can't do. Lol. You cracked me up the way you relayed this story. :)

  33. Tempting isn't it..?? i have g/fs like that too. . :)
    But i donch think i will ever be able to do it.. coz' i'm too emotional.. and i cannot have sex without being emotionally attached. hhahahah!!

  34. Captain Picard,
    Yes, FWB certainly didn't exist then. And now it is spreading globally. :P People are not committed to anything these days. duh.

  35. Judy,
    I was told if there is no emotion, there would be no hurt or pain. But then, how can one not have emotion when you were once so intimate?

    We may not do such things but would you object if your children do it?

  36. Simple American,
    Well, you have a good wife who would wipe your drool when you're old and feeble. But nowadays, the bond between married couples are so filmsy. There is no guarantee. Marriage vows don't mean anything now.

    hehehe.... guys are more excited over such an arrangement.

  37. May,
    Huh? It existed 2 years ago, even in Malaysia? o.O

    There are still people who believe in eternal love and to be faithful to one's partner. Sweet.

  38. Lynn,
    Why are such things happening everywhere but to me? hahaha...

    Please don't let it happen to me. I'll turn into an emotional wreck! And I'll start killing if I'm discarded. hahahah.....

  39. mamabok,
    Yup. Especially when we have our kids to think of. We would just grit our teeth, swallow our tears and reluctantly return to our world of reality where endless chores are waiting.... and our man and kids are waiting to be abused.


  40. eastcoastlife, no need for a divorce. Reading your posts, your life is already quite exciting ...

  41. divorce? that is a serious word... no lah, your boy how !! LOL :)

  42. Jas,
    hahaha... yup.

    If I get a divorce, my life will be out of control. I would be like a young child in a candy store! everything also want to eat!!!

  43. Janice,
    My boy can take care of himself already.
    My hubby would be very happy.
    I would be free!

    hehehe.... fat hope. duh.

  44. I dun think I can have sex with someone with no strings attached..kenot ler...Mebbe I am old fesyen..hehe..

  45. eve,
    Not many people can do that. We were not brought up that way.

    Too sexciting for us. Can only stay at the sidelines and gossip. hehehe.....

  46. Hahahaha ... Really sounds tempting ... So carefree ...

    But I think I will be emotionally wrecked at the end of the day!!!

  47. lilMrsT,
    We are sama-sama, cannot take this type of game. hehehe....

  48. ... You teaching me to 'tao sek' (secretly eat)? I dare not. I'll be exposed big time on BLOGS!!! hahaha....

    ** Hitting my own forehead **

    Ah, true true. Forgot you are some sort of celebrity. Erm, in that case, just "socialise" with the circle of celebrities lor ... then no one will talk nothing to nobody as all have a reputation stack in it mah ... no?!


  49. wilfrid,
    Ya hor. hehehe.... ok. Celebrities.... hmmmm......

  50. I think you "GeLa" already. Got what a woman wants still want to be greedy...

    No good leh!

  51. I don't know how many but I think there are a lot of single ladies out there, like that :O

  52. tigerfish,
    I hope not but there certainly are some. :P

  53. This post makes me ponder ...

    Think it is because there are little or NO good man around.

    I have male friends who are married but still go around sleeping with bar girls, got different girlfriends at the same time. Can say that their wife and themself leading different lives..

    Why did they not want to divorce each other then???

  54. pinkhippo,
    Yes, I have such friends too. I pity their wives and kids.

    I would understand why their wives don't want a divorce. Their kids are young and they depend on their husbands for a living. Their kids are still in schools and they endure such infidelities because they want their kids to still have a complete family.

    With so many temptations in Singapore nowadays, our men are having the times of their life! They never have it so good with so much choices. So we can't blame them for looking out of their homes. Men are men after all. ;)

  55. As long as the parties are willing, I don't think this is an issue.

    But they will not have the warmth of a family, which married women have.

  56. Hi Junping,
    Thanks for dropping in.

    Right, this may be a new trend in our society. Like it or now, it is here to stay.

  57. wow.... can i still be married and have FWB or not? greedy me. how come u've got to pay the alimony? izzit a SG thing?

  58. sweetpea,
    Good news for you. Married still can have FWB! don't know you dare or not! hehehe...

    I may have to pay alimony if hubby gets nasty and contest because my assets are more. But he would have to face my chopper first. kekeke...

  59. FWB has been the rage for the past several years on US college campuses. And is now a big problem at high schools. It's not much different than the "free love" of the 60's. Thing is... the STD's going around are so much more complex and incurable.

    And that, my friend, is the best reason to avoid FWB. Whoever you sleep with... you also sleep with whomever he slept with. blech!

  60. so this is an old blog entry. really old. a few years old in fact. heck and i surfed on down here to read it. let me be upfront about this: this 'friends with benefits' thing is NOT GOOD! i read your blog and the comments and reasons given by the various persons about FWB. it seems that people are more concerned with enjoying material things like condos, and beemers and luxurious holidays, and enjoying purely carnal pleasures like fucking, rather than developing a relationship with another human being. what the heck! there are more important things in life than that! love and emotion for one. the very thing that is ABSENT from FWB. love is what makes us humans! if not, we are just like animals, whose only concern in life is getting fed and getting fucked.

    being human is about caring for OTHERS, loving OTHERs; spending our time for OTHERs and not just earning money to buy material things and getting self-pleasure from getting laid. Is this the cycle of life that we want to have? To fully indugle ourselves in all the pleasures that money can buy and our bodies can give us? Are we any better than the self-indulgent depraved lifestyle of ancient Rome?

    As I see it, people partake in FWB because they can't be bothered to take time away from their pursuit of wealth for themselves to immerse themselves in an emotional relationship with another human being and they prefer to obtain the cheap pleasures of the flesh without bothering to establish depth of a self-giving love.

    thanks but no thanks! FWB is something that drags us to the level of animals. it is nothing to be admired.