Monday, February 12, 2007

Battle of the Husbands & Wives

To the smart-alec who couldn't decipher a message and asked for war.

Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring

And women, be prepared for the three stages of sex in your marriage: tri-weekly; try-weekly; try-weakly.

Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out. Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it. Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence.

Funny, why do men still want to be hunters and get themselves trapped by their preys by entering into marriages. Isn't sowing your wild oats more fun? And the thoughts of waking up next to new faces every morning? We hear of men past their prime, paying huge fees to marry foreign wives. There are men who would entice their women to marry them and later they kpkb (lament). So cheap!

Wives, the only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.

Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. --H.L. Mencken

Many a wife thinks her husband is the world's greatest lover. But she can never catch him at it.
Men and women are made of different stuff. There will always be disagreements and double standards. In a marriage, it is give-and-take, the man gives and the woman takes.

Finally, advice from lin lao bu :

1. The Female always makes The Rules.

2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. (If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the Male did or said wrong.)

7. (If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.)

8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without express written consent from the Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female Wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The Male is expected to mind read at all times.

14. The Male who doesn't abide by The Rules, can't take the heat, lacks a backbone, and is a wimp.

15. Any attempt to document The Rules could result in bodily harm.

16. At no time can the Male make such comments as "Insignificant" and "Is that all?" when the Female is complaining.

17. If the Female has PMS, all The Rules are null and void!


If all men were brothers, would you let one marry your sister?

18 comments:

  1. marriage is a roller coaster, sometimes it makes you puke and others you have the time of your life!

    mouaaaaaah HOT MAMA enjoy your Sunday!

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is so deep. I don't understand this battle. At least my double bass, whom I affectionately call my husband is too good to have any war with me.

    Eastcoastlife, I think someday you must coach me on these.... I buy you tea.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hello Tisha!
    'Marriage is a roller coaster' - to my hubby, yes! haha......

    Kisses to the Hot Babe too!

    ReplyDelete
  4. oceanskies,
    I might teach you the wrong things!

    But having tea is moment that I truly enjoy, please do call me!

    ReplyDelete
  5. OK. I'll email you my HP number too.

    Practice - Tel : 6337 3470

    Mondays to Saturdays
    10.30am to 6.30pm

    ReplyDelete
  6. :0)....the reason I stay single.

    Funny stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh C.J.
    Don't take me seriously, marriage do have its benefits too.

    Oh, what have I done? :(

    ReplyDelete
  8. Wah.. sounds scary.. think i better stay away from it...

    ReplyDelete
  9. Men are from mars; women are from Venus. (lucky none from Pluto, or we're all history)

    Men give love for sex; women give sex for love. (I know it's cliche)

    Men, er ... piss standing; women,errmmm... squating (I know it's crude, but it's God's design, ok?)

    The war between the sexes never ended, or has it?

    I come in peace and let's make peace!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Apa? Aiyooo makcik.... tolong lah... It's a play of words with your post mah... about battles of husbands and wives. I come in peace as in husband telling the wife make love I mean peace not war lah. Touchy!

    The Iraqi war has inflicted enough suffering lah. What war?

    Sigh.

    Loosen up baby. LOL.

    ReplyDelete
  11. hahahahaha................ I forgot to add the hahahas! :)

    Another goondu. sigh.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Apa ini? Have u declared war on ALL men? Wow... seems like you're not quite over your men-bashing mood... and today being 14/2, I tot we're in the mood for LOVE. Sigh...sigh..

    Tsk... tsk...tsk... Like dat how to come out to blogosphere and 混??

    Got it hot mama, I'll stay clear.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Chris!
    Oh gosh!!!!
    Is my English so lan that you 'catch no ball'?

    Whatever la.

    ReplyDelete
  14. No to the last question.

    How come there is no tri-nightly?

    ReplyDelete

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