Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Sex education in Singapore

More than 80% of secondary students in Singapore have never talked about sex to their parents. Why not? I wonder.

Jaymes was given the 'birds & the bees' facts when he was only 11. He has often seen Chris & I in the nude. Oh, he finds our naked bodies repulsive! hehehe..... He is taught to look at naked bodies as an art & to be able to appreciate it. And sex is not a dirty thing. It is normal to have sex. It should be viewed as a sports that is widely enjoyed by many at any time & any place in the world.

I remember when he was 11, I brought him to Melbourne for a holiday and we were in a bookshop. I was looking at some books when he pulled me to a corner where they sell postcards & books showing naked bodies of women in various suggestive postures.

"Mom, let's get these for Dad!" he exclaimed excitedly.

I did not drag him away. We stayed to admire the pictures & guessed which one Daddy would like. I didn't buy any because I would have problems bringing them in at our Singapore Customs & Immigration.

I went into the full details of sex when he was 14. He scored high marks for his school biology test on Reproductive Organs. hahaha..... He has seen the 'Tammy video'. A boy in his school had downloaded it onto his cellphone & went around showing his friends & school mates. Jaymes found it disgusting because it was crudely made.

As a growing teenager, Jaymes is curious about sex & pornography too, but he does not intentionally search for it. He knows he could come to me if he wants to know more. He has watched movies that are uncensored (showing violence & nudity, there is sex but I wouldn't say that is pornography) when we were in the States & Australia. And oh, he was exposed to porn on TV during the recent Japan trip. Was I alarmed? No.

I know that he would want to watch these at some point of his life. Rather than let him look for it behind my back & get all the wrong information. I let him watch & answer his queries.

I laughed when a teacher in his school wanted me to write a note stating that I have watched the VCDs, "The Last Emperor" & "Kill Bill" together with Jaymes. The VCDs were loan to him. There were nudity & violent scenes which require 'parental guidance'. Little did the teacher know, this is 'chicken feed' to Jaymes.

Quite recently, I set him on an experiment on the seedier side of life in Singapore. That set some people howling on my educational method. It's unconventional, yes, but it's a fact of life. And with the amount of AIDS and sexual diseases these days, it's better to educate our kids on sex.

Jaymes is non-chalant to sexy pictures, not tee-ko (lecherous) or embarrassed when he sees them. We can watch a TV programme with bed scenes together without scrambling to block it from him. And we share many sex jokes together.

When he has a girlfriend middle of last year, I wanted to put a condom in his school bag. Not to encourage him to have sex but to prepare him for the unexpected. He was horrified & promised that he would not have sex before he turns 18. I just want him to be prepared in case his raging hormones get the better of him. But little did I know that having the condom in his school bag would have got him into a lot of trouble. Had the school found out, he would have been punished. So much for sex education in our schools.

For your info, I did not have the chance to put a condom in his school bag, because Jaymes would not have it. He was more afraid his image would be shattered if his girlfriend found out that he is prepared with a condom. hahaha.....

I think no mother is going to let their daughters come near Jaymes after this post. Poor guy! hahaha.....

超过八成中学生 没与家长谈性课题


  1. You're gonna get Tomorrow'd for this one, I bet. ;) I like your open attitude and it looks as if it has had the desired effect. Making things "dirty" or bad makes it seem more thrilling and appealing to kids, esp. boys (I think). Jaymes sounds like a very sensible young man. Hooray!

  2. i like the way you teach your kid. and i agree with the part on "instead of him doing things behind me, i rather have him share with me and come to me if he wants to know more".

    when i get married next time n has a kid, i will do that too, but i dun think my bf (if he becomes my husband) will allow me to.

    but its how u educate him that interest me, because it takes not a day, but months n yrs of communicating to give him a good idea of what sex is.

    oh btw, i came by your blog through victor koo blog. :)

  3. Thanks Doc Hsien! Wow! I'm flattered and on cloud 9 for your praise.
    la la la la la.........

  4. Hi simplyetel!

    My husband doesn't approve of some of my teaching methods but I do what I think is right. It's time to stop being so square.

    Looking at some of our Cabinet Ministers and MP, I can't help shaking my head. PM loosening up a little lah, but still long way to go!

    Hope to see you around.

  5. Hi! Your blog is very original!
    Happy New Year!

    Robert Vandenbego
    Madrid, Spain

  6. I think if more parents parented with your attitude, the world would be little less screwed up. Brava Mama, and You definitely don't need the big glasses

  7. I think your openness is refreshing. Children shouldn't have to think their thoughts and feelings about sex need to be hidden. But children do seem to have some secrets from their parents. I wonder what Jaymes's will be.

  8. >And sex is not a dirty thing. It is normal to have sex. It should be viewed as a sports that is widely enjoyed by many at any time & any place in the world.

    I share your above views. See my replies dated 3 May 2006 to "the more conservative type" at my blog entry here.

  9. You know what they say about forbidden fruits? They always taste sweeter. LOL.

    No wonder you said your boy have more fun than mine. Ha.

    I don't agree with everything you said, but I like your open-style approach.... Here's to a mum who's quite out of this world... maybe juz Singapore!

  10. Wow..! what a stylo-malo mum..!! i love your style..!! for sure..! gotta call you "sifu" .. because chloe so young.. i worried sick.. how to teach her properly..! i really envy .. those parents.. whose kids turn out so good.. and really salute them. . :) so hard to be a good parents.. i feel.. but we all wanna be good parents.. so we look up to those.. who already gone thru' it ..and knows what is going on.. :)

  11. Your son is lucky to have an open-minded mother. At least, I have a feeling that he would be more inclined to ask you than his friends if he were to have questions related to sex.

    Perhaps in our current social context, we may need to re-examine whether existing norms and practises of educating the young ones about sex are effective and relevant.

  12. Yes well done eastcoastlife to your open attitude to sex... Like you said it's a natural thing to do so why hide it.. Like you say Educating the young ones is the best way to avoid the unexpected end end up in a situation that he probably does not want to be in.... anyway surely you don't want to be a granny just yet!! lol
    Take care and well done ;-)

  13. im still around! haha.. i link u ok? :D

    wanna read more about what you say...

    i dont know, i find that if your husband dun like your methods, its hard to teach your kid. compromising needs to be done, i guess.


  14. Hello Robert,
    Thanks for dropping by and thanks for your kind comment.

  15. Hi Pasticciera!
    Thanks you!

    Everyone, pasticciera owns a B&B in the Italian Alps, pls check out her site.

  16. Hi David Hodges,
    I do wonder what Jaymes hides from me sometimes but he is entitled to his secrets. Unless he tells me, I won't know.

    We are quite close, so far he tells me everything. I think it is quite difficult for him to keep his secrets, for now, he needs a listening ear.

    Most importantly, I do not scold him even if he tells me rubbish. I listen and I give him rubbish answers too!!!! hahaha...

  17. Victor dear!
    Your favourite topic! Join my gang lah!

  18. Hey Chris!
    Thanks. Wow! Very hard to squeeze praise from you wan ah!

  19. Mamabok!
    So supportive ah!Thank you very much.

    Because I'm different from most Moms, so sometimes kena tekan a lot. My son is not perfect, he's still making mistakes and learning.

    There doesn't seem to be right or wrong in this world nowadays. It's really difficult to teach him. I can only teach him to defend himself and how to survive in this confusing time.

  20. Hi oceanskies79!

    A lot needs to be done with regard to our educational system. The people in MOE think they have all the answers. They use our kids as guinea pigs.                                 MOE is the most fucked-up ministry in Singapore!!!!     


  21. Hi Yamal!
    Thanks for coming.
    Wow! From Morocco, beautiful place! 

  22. Hi Andy!
    Thanks for your sharing your views.

    Granny!!!! Noooo..........

  23. Simplyetel!
    In my house, I'm the ruling party, so like our PAP, 'the weak and the nobody' is overruled! hahaha.....

  24. I think its great that it isn't a taboo topic... That will help him a lot to make better decisions about it...

    Journey Through Divorce

  25. Thanks Mr Conyers, see you in Singapore soon! WE're gonna have durians! Yeah!!!!

  26. Hi Anthony,
    You're Some Guy!
    Right, that's it - the 'taboo' subject!

  27. waahahahaha.. so i should make sure im the ruling party also =x shhhhh

  28. I don't think that's a fair statement, Jayne. No, not that bit about the MOE (which, incidentally I more than 110% agree). It's that part about squeezing compliment out of me. In a span of a few days since I made your "acquaintance", if I may say so, I've said you're a hip mum, you’re fun, and that Chris, your man need not have to look elsewhere for a concubine with a wife like you, and Jaymes, your son should show you off more to all his friends. What more do you want? The stars and the moon? Sigh.
    You, on the other hand, NEVER ever return the compliment. Sniff.

  29. You are so open minded when it comes to your son... Most Asian parents would shield their children from the mere word of S-E-X, let alone educate them. I hope to be a mother just like you somday. :)

  30. Chris!
    NEVER is a harsh word to use! I said you are a good husband and father! That is not a compliment, then what is? #*%@

  31. Hello Amie!
    No long no 'see'!
    There are lots of mistakes I made on the way, I was a terrible MOM! Will have to post them one day, to be fair to Jaymes.

  32. ECL! I was searching for articles on Sex Education in Sg for my assignment and it brought me to ur blog...

    I must include you in the list of ppl I am going to survey.. Merry Christmas! =)