My male friends always lament, "Women have double standards when it comes to their hubby and son." It is a fact. Tell me if it's an Asian thing.
Wives want hubby (other people's sons) to treat them like Queens. The men must be obedient; attentive to their needs; lavish them with love and gifts; frequent visits to wife's parents; help with the household chores; wake up in the middle of the night to feed bawling baby, tutor the school-going kids, fetch the kids from school and wife from work ...... etc.
Hubby must remember birthdays, Valentine, Wedding Anniversary, festive season, our parents' birthdays. If hubby wants wife to visit his parents or attend his relatives' gathering, she would give a thousand and one reasons not to. If he doesn't want to visit her family because it is the 3rd time in a week, she would sleep with the children! Probably several nights in a row.
When shopping for gifts, she buys expensive stuff for her Mom and Dad but when it comes to her in-laws, she finds everything too expensive and tries to convince hubby they really don't need it.
Hubby is expected to help out in the house. Some are expected to cook, do the laundry and mop the floor. Because.... "Hello, your missus here is also working." (喂，老娘也有工作的！)
Wives asked, "Why can't your parents look after the kids? They are retired and doing nothing, except sit and chat at coffeeshops all day."
When it comes to our sons, we expect him not to listen to his wife too much. Afterall it's Mom who gave birth to him, not his wife. He has to take care of us, the daughter-in-law's side would have their own sons to take care of her folks. If they don't have a son, too bad.
"Why isn't she pregnant yet? If she gives birth to another girl, divorce her and marry another! Don't bring your kids to me. I have enough of bringing up my own kids. Taking care of kids is a woman's job."
Ladies, 'What goes around, comes around.' :)
It's no wonder most families prefer to have girls these days. There's an old saying,: "Have a daughter, gain a son." Women are getting more influential and powerful ...... :P
Whatever. Men are always the losers when it comes to Mom and the other woman in their lives. hehe......
Hahaha.... I can see where's that coming from! Like a Catch 22 situation. What a dilemma! My mom wants the best for her daughter - always tries to squeeze every ounce from my sister's boyfriend... Little things also ask him help (esp tumpang here tumpang there)... But she warned me before that I shall not submit to my wife's/gf's demands. She wants other people's son to do this, but she's afraid her own son would do it himself.
ReplyDeletenarrowband,
ReplyDeleteYup, to keep my position in my son's heart, I'm beginning to train my son too. hehehe.....
Every parent loves their kid, they want their kids gain an advantage over others.
Let's see if my son, ahem I, will win the battle or not.
Poor Jaymes. ^-^
hilarious!!
ReplyDelete>she finds everything too expensive and tries to convince hubby they really don't need it.
what a brilliant idea lololol
mothers in my country dont have such power. sons dont respect them very much.
My dear momma used to say, "don't take your husband for granted, and honor your in-laws."
ReplyDeleteWhile I believe that the household work should be divided 50-50, especially if both partners work outside the home, I've seen a lot of women treat their husbands without respect, and always take for granted they will be there.
And then I've watched these women break down with sobs when their husband finds someone else...
While I do not condone adultery, I believe, at least in mainstream American society, that men and women take each other for granted.
My mother-in-law was a peach, even after her son and I divorced. I felt that she spoiled her son, my husband, but she always treated me respectfully and with kindness. And I, in turn, respected her.
Not wholly true. A lot depends on the relationship between the parties involved.
ReplyDeletekekeke... that's a funny way of looking at it! I'm not quite there yet, so I can't really comment. thankfully my mom gets along well with my SIL, and no pressure just yet ;-)
ReplyDeleteWhen you are young, you only need to handle one woman: your mum
ReplyDeleteWhen you grow up, you have to handle:
Your wife
Your mum
Your MIL
Quarrel between wife and your own sisters.......
Niki-chan,
ReplyDeleteOh yes, I heard from my Japanese students that women in Japan don't get much respect from the guys. Sons don't respect their Mothers too? They must be spanked.
Beth,
ReplyDeleteDon't take your husband for granted, and honor your in-laws.
Your Mother has taught you well and this is what my grandmother and parents taught me too. :)
My MIL spoils my hubby rotten but luckily he did not turn out too bad. He has a good character and it runs in the family. Not only do my parents-in-law love me as their own, my only sister-in-law is a gem. I'm really a very blessed woman.
I have heard stories of horrible mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. It really makes the life of their man miserable.
I was worried how my parents-in-law were going to treat me when I was getting married, turns out they are really wonderful elders.
To the young people: We need to respect our in-laws and treat them as if they are our parents. And kids learn from the way you treat others.
stay-at-home mum,
ReplyDeleteYes. There are many examples of harmonious relationships between daughter-in-law and mother-in-laws.
To me, it's important that all parties involved have to make an effort to work at it. It's not easy for people of different backgrounds and habits to live together.
I think I would be a formidable mother-in-law. ^-^
May,
ReplyDeleteWith your likeable & pleasant personality, you would be a great daughter-in-law. I doubt any mother-in-law would disike you.
It's not easy for two people to like each other, what more if they have to accept and live with each other. It's good that your Mom and sil gets along well. At least you won't be frightened at the thought of getting married!
yenjai,
ReplyDeletehohoho.... hear it from the man! It's not easy being the son, husband, brother and son-in-law. You are sandwiched between them. Poor guy.
I tried to be very nice to my ex-in laws.. because i wasn't very closed with my own mum. But my ex-SILs said.. i'm not being nice.. i'm being cunning. .muahahhaha!! so i gave them the finger.. and left.
ReplyDeletemamabok,
ReplyDeleteaiyoh.... you only gave them the finger. I'll bash them if I know I'm leaving for good.
My hubby's sister is extremely good to me. I would be a B***H if I do thst to her! hehehe......
yeah Sons don't respect their Mothers and Fathers!
ReplyDeletethere was another news of 15 y.o boy hit his father with ax today!
he didnt die, but seriously injured.
im really scared of children in my country(>_<)
i cant see ur other blog.
ReplyDeleteis this connection problem??
Emm....the modern wives nowadays are indeed more powerful. Men had their times, now is our turn! hahaha!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteNiki-chan,
ReplyDeleteOh no, not again! Gosh.
Yes, the youngsters in your country is scary. Probably they are too pressurized and stressed out.
I hope the father is alright. I'm worried about the young people in Singapore too. :(
Oh, my other blog. It's only a testing site. ^-^
Doreen,
ReplyDeleteIt's the Mommies and lady teachers who did this. These women taught the boys to be more thoughtful, sensitive, caring, forgiving..... They make the boys learn to cook and sew and clean. They are responsible for turning some men into wimps and gays.
Ladies, we won the battle but lost some dicks.
Well, I think my husband has been 'spoil' me until up to the point that I've got too far. Hmm... I hope I will never have a son (or child) at all so that this kind of thing will never happen. Good luck with the 'battle' and hope that Jaymes will think of you first... :)
ReplyDeletewidny,
ReplyDeleteYes, your hubby spoil you rotten. hehe..... You are so blessed to have such a good husband.
Thanks for your good wishes. I need to win the battle. hahaha....
testing site? lol
ReplyDeleteoh noo. i liked it!!
Kesian lor liddat... Play Facebook better haha...
ReplyDeleteI see. So your poor kid sure kenna asked that question by you: "Zai-zai ah, if Mommy and your girlfriend drowning, who will you save??" right??
ReplyDelete:D
Thanks for posting, eastcoastlife!
ReplyDeleteVery good.
thank you
It might be too late an Asian thing since I think some of our Western counterparts...it's normal for the man to be the house-husband. But in Asian, we tend to see that with disbelief. I don't think I can accept a house-husband too, can you ?
ReplyDeleteHehehe....so true especially the younger generation.
ReplyDeleteThough I must say, my mum is close to my brother's wife.
Luckily my m-i-l is kwai low plus she is not very maternal so my husband is very much closer to my parents and my siblings.
I'm glad I get along well with my MIL :) and I look forward to visiting her.
ReplyDeleteSad to say not all my friends are like that... They gossip abt their MILs to me (the way their MILs treat them blah blah)! After hearing all their talks. I'm so glad my MIL is not like that, sometimes, she is even on my side to nag at my hubby! Haha! She is a very traditional woman who devotes her whole life for her family.
I agree with what you said... What goes around, comes around :) So I better be nice to my MIL! Hahaha...
Niki-chan,
ReplyDeletehehehe.... yu find it funny? It's for new links. First,I test whether it slows down the page. If it doesn't, then I have it on this blog.
My angel,
ReplyDeleteYep, I'm leaving my Facebook page on all the time. Throwing sheep and poking people even when I'm in the middle of a meeting and business lunch. hahaha.....
Peranakan Dude,
ReplyDeleteThis question no need to ask him. He MUST save Mommy first because Mommy doesn't know how to swim! hahaha....
Hi David,
ReplyDeleteNice to see you again. :)
tigerfish,
ReplyDeleteI can accept my hubby becoming a house-husband but I doubt he will do that. He's still a traditional Asian. In our Asian society, this is still unacceptable.
I have 3 girlfriends whose hubbys are house-husbands and they are doing a great job with the kids and household chores. No maids. But they also receive lotsa criticism from other people, including their parents. :)
Judy,
ReplyDeleteYou live far away from your Mom, or else you would have spent wonderful times with her. Since your Mom's living with your brother, she would have your sis-in-law as a substitutes for her daughters. :)
I believe your Mom is also a nice mother-in-law to your sis-in-law. It's great to hear such happy stories.
Had both you and your hubby stayed near your Mom, he would have enjoyed the frequent gatherings and celebrations we Chinese tend to have.
lzmommy,
ReplyDeleteYes, I hear such negative stories from my friends and cousins too. Generation gaps. Many elders still hold on to the old traditions while the young prefer to shed all these cumbersome stuff. That's where al ot of conflicts happen.
My mother-in-law and my age difference is more than 50 years! Plus she speaks Hainanese and I don't understand much of it because I'm Teochew.
It was difficult for me at first, but my mil is a very understanding and accommodating person. She was also very patient with me. I'm blessed.
When we don't get along with our in-laws, our dear hubby's the one who suffers, being sandwiched between his beloved. :P
Phew...I'm beginning to be afraid of getting married now. Should I be Mummy's son or Wife's son now? Haha :P
ReplyDeleteObjection!
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha ...
How can you say all men are losers ...
Not every battles are worth wining, set aside fighting. We are just smart enough to choose the ones to win :)
Ha ha ha ...
You are my wife's clone!!!!
ReplyDeleteCriz,
ReplyDeleteDon't be afraid of getting married. The advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
You must first learn the Art of Handling Women - of course from me lah. kakaka.....
Wilfrid,
ReplyDeleteWhy objection!? Who says you can object!?
When you're your Mom's son and grandmother's grandson, you're already a loser. Aren't you expected to obey Mom then and even now? Name me 10 things your Mom made you do and that embarassed you. hehehe......
Don't tell me Cynthia doesn't have the common traits of women ar.
simple american,
ReplyDeleteMost women are alike, especially if she's Asian! hahaha.....
ecl, my parents live in Melb on their own. When we lived in Melb, all her three daughters (ie my tuachi, me and my youngest sister) and spouses will all be at their home for dinners and weekends or we will gather at each other's house for celebrations. We are very close knited family.
ReplyDeleteMy brother lives in Malaysia but my mum goes there about twice a year and when my brother and wife visit Melb, they stay with my parents.
When we are at my parent's for dinner, my dad will cook special western meal for my husband once a while and serve him a glass of brandy while my mum cooks several dishes for us.
My husband loves to be with my family and after a meal, he sometimes fall asleep on their couch! :) That is why I miss them so much and my son went through a traumatic time here cos he missed his grandparents and aunts and cousins so, so much!
Telling you my life story liow! :P
"Why objection!? Who says you can object!?"
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha ... ECL 1 Wilfrid 0.
Okay ... round 2 ...