Thursday, August 16, 2007

Too young to get Married!? Noooo!

Many people gasped at my suggestion of getting my son married at age 16. Even my father couldn't help chiding me. hehehe......

Marrying at such a young age was not a big issue 20 years ago. People were not so educated and having many children was considered a boon as it meant more helping hands and greater prosperity.

But times have changed now. Nowadays young people choose to go for higher education and a good financial position before they marry. They set their own magic age number of 30 and beyond to get married. Marrying in their 20s are considered 'young'. They know more about sex and are more conscious about how to avoid unplanned pregnancy.

As a result, more and more marriageble young adults are delaying marriage and child bearing to achieve ambitions before taking on the responsibility. And some took it too far! I have friends who are in their 40s, realised all their ambitions years ago but have missed the boat of Marriage. They go home to a big empty house, spend their time online or in front of the HDTV.

Imagine how shocked they were when they discovered I'm preparing to become a mother-in-law and grandma and they are still looking for their Right One to come along!

When I decided to marry in my early 20s, some people tried to dissuade me. I had a good job and there were lots of fun places and guys to check out. I had made the decision earlier to get married and start a family and I thought I might as well get it over and done with and then concentrate on my career. No regrets on my decision.


er.... the people who tried to dissuade me from getting married young, they are still checking out fun places but fun guys are not checking them out, not even taking a look at them. duh.


I would encourage the young people I know to marry young. Have your kids early when you have the energy to run after them and play with them. Having the means to feed them shouldn't be a great problem. If you don't insist on having the best for everything or keeping up with the Jones, you could still get by. Having a family motivates you to work harder. Being married makes you healthier and wealthier.


Although my son is not going to get married any time soon (duh. Disappointment is written in capital letters over my forehead, Jaymes!), I'm trying to plant the seed of marriage in his mind and hope that it would germinate well. hehehe..... I'll keep watering and nurturing it. It will eventually bear fruits. I'm hoping for a bountiful harvest!!!


72 comments:

  1. I passed to congratulate it with its work and to desire a good August to it in vacation.

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  2. Kids yes, marriage no. A strategic alliance with a woman is more what I am thinking.

    In my 29 years I have lived in 9 different countries, Singapore will be my next stop soon. It will be fun to explore the singapore dating scene, but I don´t think I could realistically commit to a life long project, marriage. Neither am I the type to get married, just to get a divorce a few years later. Kids how ever are a different matter, it is only a 25 year commitment.

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  3. Captain Crunch,
    I would probably be flamed for this, but I agree with you on the
    'Kids yes, marriage no' thinking.
    I suggested that to my son but I was shot down. He's still conservative and traditional at heart. hmmm...

    You have a new-age approach to marriage which I believe will be the norm in the future.

    Oooo.... welcome to Singapore!

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  4. Wah... pressure... kakaka...

    Actuarry, not I dowan to get married wor... but there's nobody to marry... how come? how come??

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  5. My Angel,
    ya... how come? how come?? Why liddat?

    I introduce. Email me your specs. hehehe......

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  6. ECL...pls pass this message to your son.

    "Why keep a cow when milk is readily available in the supermarket?"


    Muahahahahahaha!!!

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  7. wah lau eh! why u so kintio wanna become grandma? hahahahahahaha!!

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  8. Cocka,
    psst... psst... Can you believe that I told him that? He shot me down leh!!!

    Like father, like son! This mother is too controversial. hehehe...

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  9. cocka doodle's comment is so funnyhhahhaha. as for marriage age, i would prefer my son to marry early too so I can rest assured I can spend some time with my descendants, watch them grow up..but i envisage at least 26..after studies and the start of a career :)

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  10. ehon,
    I want to have grandchildren mah! I have lots of money to give away!!! hahaha.....

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  11. bengbeng,
    Makes us wonder why Cocka also got himself a cow home. muahahahaha.....

    I know of some young parents who married when they were university students. They got their degrees despite having two kids. They have help from their parents. I won't mind helping my son with that. :)

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  12. ECL, I envy those young mummies wo are only late 20s but kiddo already in pri school. I don't like to see my child still so young yet I'm so old already. I would also encourage them to married early... hehe ;p

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  13. Janice,
    You old!? You're also young! Nobody could guess your age. And you are so energetic, taking care of two boys! :)

    No need to envy others. You are a hip mommy too!

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  14. hahah when i got married at 24 everyone including my hubby's family (only, not my side) thought that i was pregnant but they waiting and waiting jayden came out so much longer. even when ppl see me now, they will ask me why u got married so early and gave me the evil smirk. Halo???? CANNOT marry young and its not accident ka?

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  15. sasha,
    hahaha... I can empathise with you on this.

    Oh ya, why cannot marry early? Why must suspect that it's a shotgun marriage?

    Some people can be so warped.

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  16. Yer lucky .. you found the right man.. when you planned to get married .. ECL.. !
    Some settled just because and in the end.. they end up .. getting a divorce.. because they drifted apart after years of trying so hard. The asian culture does not make it any easier for the woman either. And some men that i know from Asia.. sure isn't what you would call a good life partner. If a woman marry to someone who is not interested in upgrading oneself.. it is very tough. Some asian men that i've come across are so pampered by their moms and their sisters.. makes life even worst for the wife. Marrying at 20s is good.. if you can find someone .. who is willing to work hard .. provide.. and stimulate you not only physically .. but mentally as well. Willing to help you look after the children.. and not think that it's the woman's job only. For those who have working wives.. please donch make your wives pay for half of everything.. just because she is making more money than you. And then you go hide your money in your sister's bank account. Yes.. i've had personal experience.. so i can say.. marrying young for me.. is not a great idea. For some like ECL.. it's great..! and i congratulated you all.. but for some like me.. well lets just say.. not only time wasted.. a good 10 yrs.. but divorce is expensive..!

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  17. ECL

    Good morning [it is 0706 on the West Coast of the USA] and good subject. I like your idea of taking care of business while you are young. Have a fine SINGAPORE evening!

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  18. My father taught me a long time ago that first you get an education, establish your career and them find the love of your life. But then again it was a different time, in a different society.

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  19. Imagine if one gets married at the age of 16 and starts a family, by the time he or she hits late 30's, it is already a time of independence from the obligation of having to continue supporting the children. In turn, the children will support he or she. Isn't that a blessing? Had someone told me this wisdom when I was young, I would have gotten some girls pregnant when I was 16.

    Way to go. Do an arranged marriage for Jaymes if you have too. It is for his own good and the good of Singapore.

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  20. Oh gosh Mamabok.
    Sorry to bring up memories of your bad experience.

    Finding the right partner does require a bit of luck. I'm lucky to have met my hubby.

    I have been too close with my son, I shall make sure I won't cause harm to his marriage. I don't pamper Jaymes.

    Asian women really don't have it good nor easy. The society of Singapore is still pretty conservative. Even the gahmen plays it safe, frowning on unwedded mothers and not willing to offer them help.

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  21. Hi tlrb,
    Good morning to you. That's pretty early in the West Coast of USA. :)

    Thanks for your kind comment.

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  22. Well, people have their choice and as long as they are happy with it and not harming anyone. As for me, I don't want to have any generation X yet, and hopefully never.

    Good luck to plant the 'seed' to your son and hope your dream will come true soon! :)

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  23. Mike,
    Yup, it's a different society these days. The young have very different ideas of marriage.

    I feel that my son is matured enough to get married young and we have the means to support him and his family. My son is also helping in the family businesses.

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  24. wilfrid,
    Yup, isn't that fantastic! I'm glad you could see my point of view, the benefit of marrying young. I would get healthier grandchildren too. :D

    I will try to convince Jaymes again!

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  25. windy,
    Yes, people do have their choices. They can choose to live the lifestyle they want, no one can force them.

    Why won't you want to have kids?

    I'm sure I would get my wish. Thanks. hehe....

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  26. makes sense about marrying early.
    and divorce happens at any age. so makes no difference. it's how a couple must make a serious commitment to making the marriage work. easier said than done i know.

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  27. yo misti,
    Back from your short trip.

    Yup, divorce happens at any age and sometimes come with silly excuses. And the divorce rate is climbing every year.

    But that shouldn't be the reason for people not wanting to get married. :)

    I'm a good reason to be married. hahaha....

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  28. well.. marriage is just a paper, we say :P
    my parents used to ask me to get married before 25 y.o.
    but now they are saying that "u dont have to marry. stay single!"

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  29. Niki-chan,
    Oooo... what makes your parents said that you don't have to get married anymore? They have grown so dependant on you that they would miss you very much?

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  30. eastcoastlife,
    This is not persuasive enough lah. hahaha. Even if so, 16 years old to get married is a bit too young. Maybe say, 25-30 years old? If your son wanna get marry now, without income and career, you wanna support his wife or not ah?:P

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  31. Kok,
    I cannot spell out a lot of things here. tahu?

    I will support his family. Jaymes is in fact helping out in the family businesses, whenever he could. If he takes over in the future, he would have no problem supporting his own family.

    So I don't need him to even finish school or go out to look for a job. :)

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  32. No worries.. ECL..! i just wanted to tell my side of the story too.. because not everyone have a happy ending..! my ex took me to the cleaners.. when we parted.. but 10 yrs was enough.. plus we weren't going anyway.. and he was such a baby.. and kept threatening me.. with suicide.. all the time..! God..!! i was emotionally trapped and suffocated, plus his sisters were terrible..!! they taught him to lie and try to discredit me.. in front of the judge and all.. and in the end.. i just said.. to them.. "take everything !" i just want my freedom and life back.

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  33. Thanks for your words at my blog on the CHBM post.

    I don't have anything against marrying young, except young marriages rarely work out. But yes, have kids while you are young enough to run after them!

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  34. Hahaha, I think all you have in your mind now is "I want to be grandma now".

    Poor Jaymes wor. Give him a break lah! Poor boy must be breaking out in sweats! :)

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  35. OK, you can constantly plant the "marry early" seeds in him, but don't be loh-soh lah! I'm talking from a daugher's perspective. :O

    I don't have big empty house but I also spend time online and in front of LDTV! :O

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  36. I have a fair few people close to me who've divorced for a various reasons. Some with kids in the sidelines, some without. Usually, it's because love died somewhere along the way, with a divergence of opinions, bitter partings, and in only one, an amicable separation.

    Marriage is a lifelong institution best left to a slow gestation of commitment methinks ... too many pitfalls out there for it to go seriously wrong.

    Definitely not for the sensibility that's not yet mature enough.

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  37. Mamabok,
    Haven't heard you mention anything about it all this time. So sorry to hear that. It must be a very tough time for you.

    I'm glad you have moved on and now you have your sweet cutiepie to keep you busy! :)

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  38. Captain Picard,
    Thanks. I hope it germinates well. :)

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  39. devilish southern belle,
    You're welcome.

    Well, marriages these days don't work out as well as before. I can only hope the divorce rates don't go up every year.

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  40. Judy,
    hahaha.... he knows I'm teasing him lah. He knows what he wants and I will just leave him to live his own life.
    hehe....

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  41. tigerfish,
    hahaha.... I'm turning loh-soh liao huh! ok... ok.... not cool! I'll stop bringing it up these few days. :)

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  42. Jas,
    People are also divorcing for the most silly reasons.

    It's really tough for the kids whose parents are divorcing.

    I really hate to see my friends in such situations and normally other friends and I would try to help. But the parties involved need to work hard at saving their marriages as well.

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  43. Wah...I like your style! You are gonna make one heck of a mother-in-law! :D

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  44. Come to think of it, isn't it funny?

    Nowadays youngsters feel it's too young to settle down, but it's never too young to start having sex... with God knows how many partners?

    The priority is so totally wrong.

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  45. giddy tiger,
    hahaha.... I hope so! Maybe being a hip Mom will also attract lots of girls wanting to be my DIL hor.

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  46. Ed,
    So true!

    They just want the fun part and not the responsibility. ish.

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  47. Yeah...tell me about it. Once U hit 28, guys stop checking you gals out...and I know. Thus why...if someone offered to marry... should just grab and go...no questions asked etc.... even a No Frills Vegas style also can...as long as can marry.

    That's my Advise to you ladies.

    And congrats ECL.

    Azrin
    Abu Dhabi

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  48. haha... you sounds like my mum. She wouldn't mind helping... Thus, I registered when I was 23 years old... early? :)

    But, I'm glad I did. As you said. We tend to work harder after marriage especially after having lil ones. :)

    Wish you all the best. Hope your seed will bare fruits soon.
    Anyway, You got tagged.

    Check it out, k? :)

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  49. Azrin,
    Noooo! Don't scare the ladies!

    It's not so bad. Many ladies are earning their keeps and they are independant, so I don't think they need to be so desperate as to grab any guy who's interested in them.

    Marriage is for a lifetime, they still need to consider carefuly before taking the plunge. :)

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  50. Healy,
    Oh, you registered for marriage at 23. Earlier than me wor. So you are a pretty young mother. :)

    Tag again!? ok, thanks.

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  51. This is a tough question! I do agree with you in getting married and have kinds when you are young, but also that education is important and difficult to combined. However love must have something to do with it to so the question is how to balance.
    I have a daughter who is 27 and I have planted some seeds too:-)

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  52. Renny,
    hehehe... as parents with children, we do constantly worry about them, be it their health, studies or love life.

    Glad to hear that you have planted some seeds in your daughter's thoughts too. :)

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  53. Why don't I have kids... I could give you loads of reasons why. But to cut it short, the no. 1 reason is that we don't like children. We are enjoying our life and maybe in 5 years time, we would start to have a serious discussion about it.

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  54. Hi ECL, just to drop by to say that you remind me of that song, ~I am woman, hear me roar~ Cheers!
    Fruity

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  55. windy,
    Some newly married couples do need some time to themselves before they start a family.

    I have friends who don't want kids too. Well, it's their choices, nobody can force them to have kids.

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  56. Agree on the having kids early thingy (esp if it's part of the plan). Of course, it wud be great if one also got married early...and actually keeps at it.

    takes 2 to tango, eh?

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  57. mott,
    How are you feeling now? Better?

    Of course it would be good that couples marry early and have kids soon after! I hope my son can achieve that. :P

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  58. eastcoastlife,
    Now I tahu liao. haha!:P

    Aiyo, if in that case, it cannot apply to everyone leh. Jaymes is lucky to have a family-owned-business. For others, without financial income, sure cannot leh.

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  59. becoz i always chose wrong ones like a bum.
    they said they dont want to worry :D

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  60. Kok,
    Yes, it doesn't apply to everyone or even most people.

    To me, it's good to marry early.
    I encourage Jaymes to marry early because it is beneficial to him and our family.

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  61. Hey I thought you already HAVE soooo many kids under your wings?? :-))

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  62. Bernard,
    I don't mind having more and especially if they are my grandchildren!

    Don't you want more kids?

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  63. oh u are right!
    used to be attracted by bad boys like the rolling stones :D
    gotta find a good man.
    thanks for ur comment reply!

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  64. Niki-chan,
    Well, bad boys are more fun. :)

    So you're going to look for a good man now. Let me know if you need help. Singapore good men make great husbands. :)

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  65. I think it's good to get married early. I agree with you about having a family could motivate us to work harder. And the generation gap will not be too big for parents to understand their kids.

    I always wanted to marry and have kids early, before 25. Too bad, I could only do it after 27. Haha .. I will make sure that my kids would not married so late like me.

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  66. lilMrsT,
    Marrying at age 27 is not considered old nowadays, it's still considered early.

    Many ladies don't even want to get married. My worry is whether my son can find a girl to marry. :)

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  67. too late for me, I'm way past the "young" age... sigh

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  68. May,
    *gasp* No lah! You're still young. Hope you find your love soon. :)

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